Divorce

[Randy]

Is divorce a sin? Let's assume two persons get married after a long courtship (I am not talking about a overnight affair). As they get older, say 15-20 years of marriage, they grow apart. I don't know why they just did. They find themselves misserable. After trying to work it out they just have too much seperating them. They decide to get a divorce. Have they sinned?

[DYI hunting]

I can't say about if divorce is a sin, but being married to someone you don't want to be married to would create more sins than getting divorced (if it is a sin) would. Being married to someone you don't want to be married to can cause some of the following sins:

-Thought of being with other people other than your wife
-Hate, anger, distrust, arguing (which may or may not all be sins but are not good)
-Lying inluding small lies just to avoid arguing
-Adultry. Everything from thoughts to actions
-And many more depending on feelings and how the relationship is

[PWalls]

I think yes.

They are not guilty of adultery until they re-marry (either one re-marrying makes the other one guilty of adultery as well because of the act of divorce) or have intercourse with another.

I also think that marriage is a spiritual union and as such should not be broken. I believe that fornication was the only allowable excuse for divorce (not growing apart). God wants us to get married and share our life with another person.

[DanSmith]

then marrage is a sin? :speechles

[GAGE]

If it is a sin, I am sure that there are a lot worse than staying with someone for the wrong reasons! My inlaws just divorced after 32 years but honestly they have not been married in about the last 8. I say you are never to old to be truly happy!

[GeauxLSU]

This has been discussed before and better 'chapter/verse quoters' will recite the verses, but I believe scripture is specific about the conditions under which divorce is allowed (not a sin). If I recall, it was also 'sexist' in that it favored the man.
Regardless, there are two people (two different relationships) very close to me that I know would be (and would have been for the last 20+ years) much better off NOT married. Instead they have toughed it out hoping against hope it would be better. Though different situations, they have the same outcome. Now, most of their lives are over and they have spent it in miserble relationships. It's easy for those of us happy in our marriages (and I thank God to count myself amongst that group ::; ) to point fingers and say divorce is always wrong and just 'suck it up' and 'make it work' and 'you made your bed, now lie in it', etc... etc... but I don't think it's that easy. No doubt many many divorces are 'cop outs' however I'm not that quick to discredit every single failed marriage. I wish every marriage worked out and nothing but love and happy children sprang forth. However, we all know that is not the case and sadly, some marriages have tragic tragic results for both the couple and those close to them. :(
Hunt/fish safely,
Phil

[Mechanicaldawg]

Short answer:

Sin is sin. Forgiveness is forgiveness.

I'm sure that when two people are joined together in God's name, it does not please the Lord that they should break that union.

However, He will forgive divorce, just as He will forgive all other sin.

I thank Him every day for not making me adhere to the Law.

Jesus suffered in order that we could live lives in freedom.

[Todd E]

As previously stated, God's Word makes an(one) allowance for divorce. It doesn't say anything about irreconsiliable differences.

Just food for thought.....................what caused them to grow apart......

In a Christian marriage(not unbelievers) both parties have their eyes focused on the same person. By doing so, both of their hearts are intune with one another since they are sharing the same focus of attention. What happens when we take our focus of something?........ This is where marriages begin to take on problems. It loses the harmony. One thing leads to another and to another and before you know it..................sometimes within that loss of focus is a sin.

I do not feel that God is pleased with the statistical divorce rate amongst The Church nowadays. I'm not God, so that's just my thought. In my marriage and my relationship with God, if I were to divorce..........I would be sinning against God. Why, because I honestly know that it is not His will for me to leave my wife just because I just can't live with her anymore. He put us together for a reason and a purpose and I'm not gonna do anything to jeopardize His work. If folks would get their attention where it should be, divorce would not be the problem and common occurance that it is.

I stress that I am talking about a Christian marriage. There are no guarantees for a wordly marriage. There are those that last, but for the sake of this discussion I'm talking about a Christian marriage.

Bear in mind: with the freedom that Jesus provided, there are guidelines. We are not allowed to live how ever we want caught up in sin. God is love and within' that love is discipline.

[David Mills]

Biblically speaking, there are provisions for divorce; but, only after every effort at reconcilliation has been exhausted.

They are not guilty of adultery until they re-marry (either one re-marrying makes the other one guilty of adultery as well because of the act of divorce) or have intercourse with another.

I also think that marriage is a spiritual union and as such should not be broken. I believe that fornication was the only allowable excuse for divorce (not growing apart). God wants us to get married and share our life with another person.

Let me add to the quote from PWalls:
Matthew 5:32, "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery."

If a spouse leaves a marriage for a reason other than adultery they must remain single. I Corinthians 7:10-11, "Now, for those who are married I have a command, not just a suggestion. And it is not a command from me, for this is what the Lord Himself has said: A wife must not leave her husband. But if she is separated from him, let her remain single or else go back to him. And the husband must not divorce his wife."

I know that people sometimes justify divorce because of incompatibility and other reasons, but it is not someting God looks favorably upon. God is particularly displeased with people who divorce spouses who have always been faithful. It's in the Bible, Malachi 2:14-16, "Why has God abandoned us?" you cry. I'll tell you why; it is because the Lord has seen your treachery in divorcing your wives who have been faithful to you through the years, the companions you promised to care for and keep. You were united to your wife by the Lord. In God's wise plan, when you married, the two of you became one person in His sight. And what does He want? Godly children from your union. Therefore guard your passions! Keep faith with the wife of your youth. For the Lord, the God of Israel, says He hates divorce and cruel men. Therefore control your passions—let there be no divorcing of your wives."

Yes, praise Him because He is loving and through that love comes forgiveness. But don't fall into the fallicy that it's ok to sin because He will forgive. God tells us to our very best not to sin.

[gordon 2]

but also in the mix of issues is: would divorce hurt someone, as in children, or family. I might suggest the idea that much of the christian walk is not about me, or you, in "our" perfect relationships, but it is about permitting the grace of God and His love to shine in all circumstances.

Do we need to store for ourself treasures here on earth? The people, in my family, who had most influence on all my family as to how to act in a christian manner had difficult relationships with their spouses. There were differences. It is their demonstrations of faith in their lives, their selflessness, and their dealings with others, that is still recalled long after their deaths. In one case sixty yrs ago. While others who had "better" relationships are now not talked about that much. My great grandmother, a presbyterian and my grandmother a catholic are the heros of my family. They put God first and served others. To the world it was about them, but to them it was about God.

[short stop]

its easy for some one to grab the bible and start quoting '' I have every copy too'' -King James ,NIV ,etc. I am the product of Divorce seeing how both of my parent have been married 3 times each. ''I stopped going to weddings after round 2 with them ''.They hated each other from the time I could crawl. I also see people who stuck it out married for 20-30 years that are just miserable to be around . 1 of my best friends died in APRIL this yr. He died a slow painful death over months of kidney failure .He told me something on our last Turkey hunt just days before he left us '' LIFE IS SHORT BE HAPPY" I used to pray my parents would make it --- They would have been misrable .They are both HAPPY now . They were 2 tottaly different people with different goals .-----SS

[Ga-Spur]

I would think it would be very painful . We can't judge that. Good luck.

[HT2]

Oh man can I relate to this one.....

IMO.....

I'm kinda of the same opinion as Jeff is....

A sin is a sin.......And, all can be forgiving if you just ask for forgiveness......

With that being said though......

I think when you take a "VOW" in front of "GOD" that you should stick with what you "VOWED"........Irregardless of what happens......If you grow apart or if you have troubles in your marriage.....They can be worked out, if the two parties really try.......Now, there are instances that might be to difficult to overcome......Such as infidelity, abuse, etc......Somethin' like that, IMO are grounds for Divorce, and either party should get out.......

My beef, is when one of the two parties just all of a sudden says........"I just don't want to be married any more"......

That is "WRONG"!!!!!!!!!

Marriage nowdays is nothin' more than a "CEREMONY"........The "VOWS" that are spoken are very rarely sincere......

When I married my wife, I married here till "I DIED"!!!!!!!!

Apparently I was the only one that meant what I "VOWED".......She didn't..... :(

[Mechanicaldawg]

Now that I have a little more time, I'd like to add to my earlier statement.

As it is with all sin, there is a price to be paid for committing the sin.

With divorce the price is terrible! Not just for the one that causes the divorce but for every member of the family. The children involved will carry the burden of the sin of their parents with them forever. Even the grandchildren will live in situations that are extremely confusing to them.

I reluctantly divorced my first wife after 8 years of seperation. I remarried and truly have been as blessed as a man can be by my marriage to Debbie. Those of you that know her know that there is no way that I could have ever made a better choice.

I know that God sent her to me. I'd be a pathetic man without her. She literally turned me from a life filled with sin and hate to a life of concern for others (though I do backslide all to frequently).

However, our children have had a very rough road because of our actions in divorcing our original mates. They have turned out, for the most part, quite well but there have been major emotional setbacks and bumps along the way due to the remorse and guilt they feel from the divorce.

My grandaughter, at the ripe old age of 2 already is suffering through dealing with the confussion of having 2 sets of "Nana's" and "Paw Paw's". (Though we all know who the favorites are! :) ).

Divorce is a horrible thing that causes great pain and rips apart lives. Yet, God offers us His Grace, even for this terrible sin.

:clap: ::; :clap:

[Vernon Holt]

To minimize the effect of divorce, man comforts himself with the assurrance that God will forgive the sin of divorce. And indeed he will, but we must be reminded that even forgiven sin has consequence. The memories, the lingering effects of marital conflict will create scars that will never completely heal. This is the nature of sin.

Divorce is not only a sin against God, but it is a sin against humanity. Innocent Children from broken marriages seldom if ever develop into well rounded and well adjusted adults who are able to function to their greatest potential. These are much a part of the scars that never completely heal.

Consider also the permanent effect that divorce may have on the testimony of the believer. Whether we realize it or not, our personal testimony is the most prized possession that is ours. Scripture says, "By their fruits ye shall know them". Matt. 7:20. If the believer is to be effective as a Christian, he must be careful to guard his testimony and his influence for Christ.

I don't mean to imply that it is the end of the line when divorce happens. I do feel that while there is hope for a productive life, there is valid reason to try to make marriage work.

Vernon

[mpowell]

i pray that when i do marry it will certainly be my last! i would hate to go through the anguish and pain a divorce causes.

i've got a great friend who's in his late twenties and going through a divorce that he did EVERYTHING to prevent--including spiritual counseling.

it takes BOTH partners to keep things going and if one's not willing to pull their weight and be "equally yoked", what's the other partner to do? continue to live a miserable life???? no way!

[Slayer]

How does the "divorce" issue get handled with regards to physical/mental abuse in the bible??? If a person is in a marriage that has turned bad, one that includes confirmed/documented cases of child abuse, spousal abuse, physical abuse against both spouse and children, trips to the emergency room, eyes swollen shut from "accidental" temper flare ups,....where is this covered in the bible?? The person I have in mind stayed in this terrible relationship for almost 17 years....this persons parents (both of them) are pentacostal pastors, and have their own church....it seemed that no matter what offense was commited the victims were always "steered" back into the dangerous situation...the victim was the leader of the praise and worship team at the parents church, loves and lives by the written and spoken word of God, and to this day has scars and resentment towards several people that "guided" her back to a situation that she was guranteed "would get better"......explain that to a person that has their eyes so swollen shut that they cant tell whether its day of night for almost 2 days,
explain it and make that person understand that she doen't have grounds for a divorce, explain it to that person that it was Gods will that she and the children were to be brutalized and live in constant fear, explain it and use whatever portion of the Word that you feel applies,,,,

time and people change, the Word doesn't...In times past, the crimes againt people were not as prevalent as they are now, the union of a man and a woman as one, was a sacred rite of passage, not one to be taken lightly or abused. And those that did abuse it, payed a severe price for their transgressions, that is not the case today, be as mean , nasty, hateful, brutal as you want to be,,,because you have "rights"

Sorry for the long post but this is the one thread that I never thought I would post a reply to, but one tha I could not escape either,,

I wrestle with the issues that I have wrote about here everyday, for the person I speak of is my beloved wife of almost 3 years, the woman that has brought my newborn sone to me, the woman that has given me 2 great step children , both that call me DAD., And she has been a wonderful step mother to my daughter. She is also the same woman that helped me to understand the true nature of our God and of our Saviour Jesus Christ.With her help, I was able to be a strong enough person to admit my failings, and turn to the only One that truely controlled my life. I thank God for the many blessings he has given me, but none more that my Wife......



this is a very emotional subject for myself and my family...sorry for the long post....

[Mechanicaldawg]

Slayer,

You are not alone, Brother! Been there done that!

I think it is important to remember that God teaches us through His Word that we are to be careful when entering into marriage. To be sure that we are "equally yoked". This term means that we are to choose a mate with the same Christian maturity.

If a devote Christian marries someone who either does not believe or even is less mature in their walk with Christ, the result may be conflict in the two lives.

You can't skip the ground work in the relationship. Both parties must realize the Spiritual conditions they are entering into. If they do not understand prior to going through with the marriage they have not followed God's plan for marriage to begin with and it will be more difficult, if not impossible, to maintain the marriage.

Chances are, this is what happened to your wifes first marriage. It is certainly what happened to both mine and my wifes first marriage.

Y'all need to give up the guilt. Turn it over to Christ and get on with the wonderful life He has planned for you.

You can't go back in time and He does not want you to be crushed by guilt!

Move on in Faith.

[hpurvis]

Is divorce a sin? Let's assume two persons get married after a long courtship (I am not talking about a overnight affair). As they get older, say 15-20 years of marriage, they grow apart. I don't know why they just did. They find themselves misserable. After trying to work it out they just have too much seperating them. They decide to get a divorce. Have they sinned?

Randy you sure ask some hard questions. There have been some good answers and of course we don't have all the answers.

I think many of you know I am a Pastor and I certainly would not encourge a woman to live in a home where she is abused. I don't have all the answers but after a time of separation and counseling on both sides if a spouse is abusing the other spouse then separtion or divorce is the only option. A spouse deserves better than to be abused. Divorce and infidelity is as prevalent or more prevalent in the Church today than in the world. it is because the world has gotten in the church and the church is no longer in the world.

My wife and I have been married 36 years, never separated and to my knowledge never any thought of divorce. We have certainly had out disagreements but I have never hit her or abused her in any other way to the best of my knowledge. When we disagree and have our spats and we ceertainly do, then I begin to pray more earnestly for our relationship and for her. It is amazing how God uses that to help is reconcile. When I am conseling people this is the advice I give them. Pray for your spouse often by name and really mean if and there is no way you can hate a person if you pray for them in Jesus name and in the spirit.

If we would spend more time on our knees and less time pointing fingers then things would generally be different. Now we all know it takes 2 and if one party is not willing to pray and give peace a chance then there is not much that can be done. If you have truly done all you can do and it still don't work, the you should have a clear conscience. God knows your heart and if you have earnestly done all you can do, then get on with your life.

[Handgunner]

A lot of good responses to this post... One touched me more than any though and forigve me for pointing him out. Al, you are a good man. Don't ever doubt that brother... :) Everyone that has responded to this post has done so with a lot of thought, I commend you all.

I was married once for about 5 years. I met a woman, we fell in love and from there it just went downhill. We were too young I think. All she knew her whole life was her mother. Her dad was a drunk, so she spent her entire life with her mother. It was hard for her to balance her mother with her husband. I'm not blaming her for the divorce. We both were unhappy, and we both changed. I love hunting and fishing, and she loved shopping and line dancing... I don't think a person could have prayed harder than I did for that marriage to work. Long story short, it didn't. She went her way, I went mine. Uncontested marriage - no kids. No hard feelings. Two young kids who thought they knew everything.

The woman I married last year is my soulmate. Every heartbeat has love for her in it. She is no doubt an Angel sent to me by God. For that, I'm am forever grateful and indebted to Him.

Do I think divorce is a sin.? Yes. You make vows before God, and you break them. I also think it's a forgivable sin. God wants us to be happy. And I think he understands that people change... "Freewill".

I don't see God putting us, or wanting us to go through life unhappy because we made one or two bad judgement calls when it came to finding a spouse. I picked my first wife, and I messed up. God chose my second... and I absolutely Love, with every fiber of my being, His choice.

I can't quote scripture. I can only speak from my heart. If divorce is an "unforgivable" sin... Then I am Guilty. But it is a sin that I have been blessed with... Had it not been for my divorce, I would not have the woman I have right now.