My Sister....

Fellow heathens,

I have a problem that I would like your advice on.

My sister is a devout Catholic, and getting more so by the day. She is aware of my stance and for a long time, it’s just been something we know is there but never really discussed. Though, she would every once in a while ask me to read some book or other. Recently, however, she has been trying to engage me in conversation about it. Trying to win me over for her religion.

How should I handle this?


Difficulty: She’s recently been diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer.

Sorry to hear about your sister's diagnosis.

What would it hurt to listen and / or talk to her or read a book or two?

FWIW: You are not a "heathen."

dawg2 said:

Sorry to hear about your sister's diagnosis.

What would it hurt to listen and / or talk to her or read a book or two?

FWIW: You are not a "heathen."

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I've read several books she's asked me too. And it certainly won't hurt me to talk about these things.... I just don't want to hurt her.

Should I just listen patiently and not try to get into any debates? I feel kinda like I'd be just patronizing her then.

pnome said:

Should I just listen patiently and not try to get into any debates?

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That may be the best stance, in your particular case.
Exclusivism can cause people to get emotional over any opposing or differing viewpoint.
Listening is never patronizing.

pnome,

I have to say you are a blessed man to have a sister whose focus at this time of her life is upon her brother. It is the kind of unselfish love that mirrors Jesus. She will most definitely be in my prayers, as you have been.

I had a dying relative tell me that they wanted to know that I would receive Christ before they died because they said that they wanted to see me in Heaven and not in He11.

I told them that I loved them but I just didn't believe that the God of the Bible was true.

I told them how happy I was to have known them in this world and that I had no idea what happened after death.

The best I could do was tell them that I loved them.

There's nothing to be gained at this point by debating with her in my opinion. It probably gives her grace, even if not in your eyes, to believe the way she does in the same way that my beliefs give me grace in the face of mortality.

pnome said:

I've read several books she's asked me too. And it certainly won't hurt me to talk about these things.... I just don't want to hurt her.

Should I just listen patiently and not try to get into any debates? I feel kinda like I'd be just patronizing her then.

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You don't have to be patronizing. Just hear what she says. I am not saying change your mind for her sake, but at least give her the peace she is searching for, which may be as simple as "hearing her out."

Thanks for the replies guys. Good advice all around I think.

I'll certainly "hear her out" if only so I can enjoy the time spent with her.

We are capable of expressing more love than we can imagine.

Sorry to hear about your sis. Just continue being the best brother you can. Now is no time for lies between you .

you should listen to her and be there for her no matter what.give her support in any way you can.you dont have to change your views or opinions just be there with an open ear and a soft shoulder.you'll be glad you did.
i'v had people give me problems because of my beliefs on religion all my life .if i only had a dollar for everytime somebody told me i was going to he11 because i have never been to church.a person should be judged by ther actions , not their religious beliefs.

pnome said:

Thanks for the replies guys. Good advice all around I think.

I'll certainly "hear her out" if only so I can enjoy the time spent with her.

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That is what matters.

pnome,

I am sorry to hear about your sisters diagnoses. You know that your sister is talking to you about “eternal” things because she loves you. Just let her do that, let her love you. Love her in return. Personally I believe those conversations will become important to you because they are important to her, not because she is trying to convince you of something, but because they are “deep water” conversations with a loving family member.

I read once that Christians do not like the idea of sudden death, you know, go to sleep and not wake up, they are willing to put up with pain and suffering because it gives them time, and notice that they need to set some things right.

pnome said:

Thanks for the replies guys. Good advice all around I think.

I'll certainly "hear her out" if only so I can enjoy the time spent with her.

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I think that's the key, just spend quality time with her; be her brother and let her be your sister. Sibblings get to say things to each other that others can't say; she gets to say what she wants and under most other circumstances so do you (a situation like this being an exception) ...I have been where you are now. My sister had a brain tumor and died in 1989...Since 1987 we knew what was coming....We had an issue (was not religon but was just as powerful a topic and full of land mines) that we were totally at opposite ends on...And Cindy (my sister) wanted to talk about it whenever we were together; my family is famous for holding grudges against each other and there were times I just wanted to tell her to shut up and mind her own business....But I let her have her say and I think that sometimes it just did her alot of good to be able to talk openly and freely about the subject)...Even though she went on and on about some things I didn't care to hear we stayed in contact and spent alot of good times just being there for each other. You want her to go out leaving nothing unsaid and you will feel better years from now if that is the case. You don't need regrets later on about if only you had said this or had not said that.........Just let her be herself and be there for her. Be her brother.

Rouster said:

I think that's the key, just spend quality time with her; be her brother and let her be your sister. Sibblings get to say things to each other that others can't say; she gets to say what she wants and under most other circumstances so do you (a situation like this being an exception) ...I have been where you are now. My sister had a brain tumor and died in 1989...Since 1987 we knew what was coming....We had an issue (was not religon but was just as powerful a topic and full of land mines) that we were totally at opposite ends on...And Cindy (my sister) wanted to talk about it whenever we were together; my family is famous for holding grudges against each other and there were times I just wanted to tell her to shut up and mind her own business....But I let her have her say and I think that sometimes it just did her alot of good to be able to talk openly and freely about the subject)...Even though she went on and on about some things I didn't care to hear we stayed in contact and spent alot of good times just being there for each other. You want her to go out leaving nothing unsaid and you will feel better years from now if that is the case. You don't need regrets later on about if only you had said this or had not said that.........Just let her be herself and be there for her. Be her brother.

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Thanks Rouster. Nothing like advice from someone who's been there.

Who knows, this might be the time.
It might make perfect sense this time.
What if God touches your heart and you have a "light-bulb" experience?

I'll think it'll be worth it to give it a serious try.

Ronnie T said:

Who knows, this might be the time.
It might make perfect sense this time.
What if God touches your heart and you have a "light-bulb" experience?

I'll think it'll be worth it to give it a serious try.

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I am so sorry but I forgot to even mention your sister's diagnosis of cancer. She might need you more right now than you need her. Don't be surprised if she reaches out to you in ways she never has before.
Dealing with cancer can be an emotional rollercoaster for the patient and family.
It's obvious from your inquiry that your greatest concern is for her.
Her and all the family are in my prayers Pnome.

What's that old saying again?

It's not the things you do that you regret most but the things you don't do.

Be her brother, family gets privileges to be personal and familiar.
make allowances because she is being the very best sister she knows how to be.

My prayers with you and yours.

Before you are born you have a upper spirit then after birth the upper spirit connects with the child on earth and the upper spirit sends part of itself over time into the one on earth who develops from this a lower spirit. This does not mean one is better than the other the upper spirits handles things in the astral planes and the lower spirit handles things on earth, This process of sharing can take about two years as the child grows physically.

Upon death the two spirits recombine. If the death happens quickly there is a place in the astral planes this happens - if the death is a slow one then it happens over the period that the one on earth is dying. As the dying process intensifies there is less and less of the lower spirit in the body and more and more of the higher spirit. As the person connects more and more with the upper spirit they become more spiritual themselves.

You will see them not wanting to talk about hings that are negative, they are connecting more and more with others that have passed on so they will want to talk a lot about Pappa, and Nana, and what they think of old Uncle Ed - that sort of thing. Also their religious belief will become more important to them. They know now more than ever that their belief system and will implore those they are leaving behind to convert to their way of religion.

The journey to the other side can be gentle for some and arduous for others and since her journey is starting while she is still mostly on this side the best thing to do it to bring love and compassion to her journey so it will be gentle as possible. Support don't contradict her beliefs, relate to her happy memories you all have had together or funny things you remember about others you both have know. Let her know in various ways how much she has been loved by others and if she is worried about things that have happened in her life that are less than positive then fill her with goodness and mercy.

When she finally drops into comas these are the times she is talking and communicating to those on the other side to help her with her passing - at this point she is acutely aware of what is going on in the earthly and the spiritual sides for she is in both at the same time. You may see her mumbling and jerking some and that is in response to her communication on the other side. During these times it is good to hold her hand and process a positive energy from you into her for this will be known by her and appreciated.

pnome,
Whatever happens, I certainly wish you and your sister the best.