Need a little direction and positivity.

[AllTerrainAngler]

Hello everyone. I like to read through this forum here and there from time to time but I’ve only posted once or twice.


I have somewhat of a question for everyone.


I lost my dad last month a few days before my 25th birthday. He introduced me to the outdoors from the time I could walk. We hunted and fished together my entire life. There was a time we fished 40 something days straight. Everyday after school and the weekends. Since his passing my desire and passion for hunting is little to none. The last deer I took was 2015 with my father. This year I’ve hunted, scouted, set stands at least 10 days a month and nothing. Everytime I’ve gone since he passed I just lose more and more interest and it begins to feel like nothing more than a chore and a waste of time and money I don’t have right now. I try to keep my head up and tell myself it’ll happen next time but not having him to call after crappy hunts and In general has started getting to me more and more. In general I’ve kinda lost my motivation and love for the outdoors. I just want to enjoy being outside again and not feel like it’s such a task.

 

[Mexican Squealer]

Wish you peace man. Time will bring it all back.

 

[Spineyman]

Find a buddy who is like minded and can share in your successes and failures. Someone you can have heart to heart talks with, and yes losing your father is no little matter. But time does indeed heal wounds and then floods of great memories come back to you all the time. Keep your head up and pressing on. You can't go back so find someone else to share the experience with! You can also count on the Lord to be your strength in this trying time! He will bear you up under His wing and give you comfort.

 

[strothershwacker]

Everything your dad shared with you, taught you and told you was intended to be left in you and with you. Every success you have in the woods and on the water will be a result of his time invested in you. Keep on. It won't ever be the same, but it will get better. It's still awful green right now. Hang in there man.

 

[GeorgiaBob]

Grief is a terrible, and very real, burden that each of must carry whenever we lose someone important. And for every one of us, grief is a different and unique experience - every time we experience loss. There is no right or wrong feeling about grief. You are experiencing something no one else has ever experienced in the same way.

That said, I am sorry for your loss. Some of your lack of interest in hunting and fishing is clearly, from your writing, because you feel cannot hunt or fish with your dad and without him it just isn't the same. Based on your repeated trips to "go hunting," I seriously doubt that you have, or will, give up on it entirely. (Yes, my wife sometimes calls me, "Mr. Obvious.")

Three suggestions:

Take a break. Missing out on what's left of one season, won't damage anything. Perhaps a little more time and you will become more accustomed to life without your dad around. Maybe you need to process what has happened and what that means to you. Go back to scouting for big bucks when you feel ready.

Talk to people who also knew your dad. An evening with some of his friends sharing stories, laughing, even crying, might help to make the loss real and help keep his memory close. Time with family is almost always helpful (if often painful, too).

Allow yourself to feel the pain. Our society insists that we must be strong, ignore grief, and "get on" with our lives. Admittedly, most of us do have to work, provide for families, support others who are experiencing the loss, and continue to "function." But in the real world - grief hurts! Admit to yourself you hurt.

You didn't say anything about your personal faith, and I won't throw any of that at you here. Except to say that in my life, faith, prayer, and hope have been important, especially when I have experienced losses.

I hope my suggestions will be worth more than you paid for the advice!

 

[1eyefishing]

I feel for you.
But I'm actually a little envious.
I lost my dad last May but he was one who tried to escape the backwoods all his life. Rarely took me hunting or fishing. He left that to my uncle's and cousins to instill in me. I've spent my life trying to get back to the backwoods.
Melancholy about my dad, but I find things to look forward to. Things are getting better, and I am looking forward to them getting even better...
You live in an area that I'm looking forward to coming to fish this spring with my new bay boat.
We have talked about you coming up to the metro area to work. Is that still the plan?
Things may never be the same, but I have survived enough bad situations to know that there is always good times to be had afterwards. You are young, and have 50 good years ahead of you at least.
Look forward!

 

[4HAND]

Another thought is be thankful for all the years you had with your dad & all the great memories.

My dad died when I was 5 years old I was born on his birthday. He died a week before I turned 6 & he would have turned 40.

I was blessed to have an uncle & older cousins who spent time with me teaching me about hunting, fishing & the outdoors.

I wouldn't force myself to hunt. When the time is right your desire will return.

As was previously stated, grief is terrible. But time is a healer. God bless.

 

[Core Lokt]

Great advice has been given so far. I'll say a prayer for you. Lean on the Lord and hopefully you will enjoy hunting again. your dad would want you too I'm sure.

 

[Madman]

Hello everyone. I like to read through this forum here and there from time to time but I’ve only posted once or twice.


I have somewhat of a question for everyone.


I lost my dad last month a few days before my 25th birthday. He introduced me to the outdoors from the time I could walk. We hunted and fished together my entire life. There was a time we fished 40 something days straight. Everyday after school and the weekends. Since his passing my desire and passion for hunting is little to none. The last deer I took was 2015 with my father. This year I’ve hunted, scouted, set stands at least 10 days a month and nothing. Everytime I’ve gone since he passed I just lose more and more interest and it begins to feel like nothing more than a chore and a waste of time and money I don’t have right now. I try to keep my head up and tell myself it’ll happen next time but not having him to call after crappy hunts and In general has started getting to me more and more. In general I’ve kinda lost my motivation and love for the outdoors. I just want to enjoy being outside again and not feel like it’s such a task.

AllTerrainAngler,

I am sorry for your loss, father, outdoor friend and mentor. I bet most of us have a story along the lines of yours. I quit scuba diving the year I lost my best friend in a diving accident, just no joy in it after that.

I quit deer hunting the year my first son was born, the pleasure was gone knowing that he was home and I was in the woods. We did take up rabbit hunting years later.

There is a season for everything. I have no answers, a man's love for the outdoors never wanes, desire for the good times with a loved one never cease. No one will ever take his place, but time moves on, new adventures, new friends, old pain.

It was my brother-in-law that was killed in 1997 in a diving accident, I still cry a little when I remember some of the great fun we had.

We will hurt as hard as we loved.

God's peace my friend.