Spouse Smoking

Thread starter #1

Dialer

Senior Member
My Dear Wife whom I love dearly simply cannot give up the cigarettes. She has a very large hernia on her right hip, which will eventually end her life. She’s 52 years old, and the surgeons will not do the surgery unless she has been tobacco free for 3 months. I’ve pleaded, begged, prayed, had groups pray over her, patches, electronic, pills, gum, lozenges, all to no avail. I feel trapped to a destiny of caring for a terminally ill spouse that put both her and I in a position that’s completely self inflicted. We’ve only been married 5 years, and I have told her that I did not foresee running a nursing home for someone or burying that can’t make a sacrifice for our future, and more important, HER future. I know the whole “in sickness and in health” thing, but don’t feel right if it’s self inflicted. A real issue for me...anyone been in my shoes?
 

Dub

Top Chef
52 is way too young to cash it in just to sustain the ability to smoke.

You see it and feel it.....she's yet to.

Pain can be a powerful motivator....maybe she'll reach the point where the pain is enough to make her considering laying off the cigs for 90 days.

Tough situation. I hope you finally can help her see this. Maybe she'll be more open to pausing them for a few months vs discussing quitting outright.
 

sinclair1

Senior Member
So the other thread got beat up, but this one leaves out those details which I think are important.

She doesn't work and is fairly heavy on her feet and smokes cigarettes. What on that list did she start after you were married?

It's not rocket surgery to determine a over weight inactive smoker would have issues during your marriage.

Let's rewrite your vows. I do up until the point you need some support and help with an addiction.
 

Possum

Senior Member
I believe you had a thread not long ago explaining why you needed to divorce her right? Now y’all had another fight about it and you are looking for advice and opinions on an online forum. You are going to get bad advice here because none of us know either of you. From the little I know of your situation I think it’s you that needs to change. It’s one thing to want to help your spouse get healthy, it’s another to fight about it and try to make her feel bad. I hope y’all can get through this and be happy again.
 

Dub

Top Chef
Drop Patriot44 a PM and ask him how to structure the prenuptial vows.

Evidently he scripted an iron clad contract that keeps in control of such aspects.....
 

mark-7mag

Senior Member
That's a tough spot you're in. I'm in no position to give you any advice because I have not been in that situation . You mentioned that you've had groups pray over her. I'm a believer in prayer but I also believe in action on yall's part along with prayer. You should both get counseling if you haven't already .
 

toyota4x4h

Senior Member
Imo if she was this before yall were married theres nothing you can say. If she picked up any or all her ailments AFTER then sure give her a ultimatum and if not met step away. 5 years isn't that long.
 

j_seph

Senior Member
Simple question
Do you Love her?


Once you answer that question honestly to yourself, then and only will you know the answer of how to help her. My late wife, she and I got married after finding out she had a brain tumor. Knowing the road ahead would be rough there was enough Love there to get me through it and and enough for her to have a great quality of life for 10 years. If there is Love in that marriage you will both get through this, at least if it goes both ways.
 

Crakajak

Senior Member
My Dear Wife whom I love dearly simply cannot give up the cigarettes. She has a very large hernia on her right hip, which will eventually end her life. She’s 52 years old, and the surgeons will not do the surgery unless she has been tobacco free for 3 months. I’ve pleaded, begged, prayed, had groups pray over her, patches, electronic, pills, gum, lozenges, all to no avail. I feel trapped to a destiny of caring for a terminally ill spouse that put both her and I in a position that’s completely self inflicted. We’ve only been married 5 years, and I have told her that I did not foresee running a nursing home for someone or burying that can’t make a sacrifice for our future, and more important, HER future. I know the whole “in sickness and in health” thing, but don’t feel right if it’s self inflicted. A real issue for me...anyone been in my shoes?
I think you have answered your own questions.Prayers for you and her whatever the decisions are.
 

trad bow

Senior Member
I hate that she or anyone else has to deal with this addiction. My father was told by doctors he wouldn’t live three months unless he quit smoking. He stopped and lived ten more years. He passed at 86 after smoking since he was ten. Quit now and you will live longer.
If you knew this going in, you need to shut up, grow up and be her man thru this. Life isn’t fair but it is what you choose to make of it.
 

NOYDB

Senior Member
Get another Dr. Nothing about smoking prevents surgery.
 

flynlow

Student at the Hard Knock School of Aerodynamics
Get another Dr. Nothing about smoking prevents surgery.
No but it certainly hinders recovery. Most Dr's don't want to waste their time trying to save a patient who refuses to help themselves. Prayers to you and your wife Dialer. 5 yrs isn't long, and the longer you're together the closer you become. I know, we just celebrated 29 yrs and never felt closer than now through thick and thin.
 
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