When You Realize Your More Than Half Way Done.

Thread starter #1
I am sitting in a hotel room, waiting for the clock to circle around to 10am so I can go start a preventative chemo treatment. I had a port put in today, and slept most of the afternoon, so sleep isn't coming easily.

As I lay in bed, praying and thinking, I began to wonder about the future, and how I had lived my live so far. I can tell you there are things I think I did extremely well, things I failed at miserably, and things that were so mediocre that it would scare you. I began to think about my youth and how it was spent, and I realized I just don't have as long on this earth as I already seen.

There is so much more I want to experience and accomplish before this life exchanges for eternity. I have so much to do. I am not building a bucket list, but I am taking stock of what I feel important events that I would like to see.

#1, I haven't been as radical for God as I should have been. I have been a christian for over 45 years, but most of the time it has been a run of the mill, mediocre walk. I haven't spent enough time studying, enough time praying, and enough time talking to others about what I believe.

#2, I have 9 grandbabies that I desperately want to see grown, fulfilling the calling in their lives, and being a change agent in this world. I want to install a love for God and His word early in their lives.

#3, I need to be a better husband. Sometimes I take my wife for granted, and don't show her the love and support she deserves. We had a short courtship, and I proposed to her on our second date. That was how comfortable she made me feel in our relationship. No other woman could have ever been the soulmate she has been. We have been married over 38 years now, and I need to let her know how much those years have meant to me.

#4, I need to take better care of myself. I think I came to the realization that I wasn't invincible at a fairly young age, 23, when my appendix ruptured, and the quack I went to couldn't diagnosis it. I walked around with a ruptured appendix for over 2 weeks before I found a doctor that had the instinct to diagnosis my problem. My appendix pointed toward the front of my body, rather than the standard rear facing appendix. That is why I am here today. It formed a pocket against my abdomen, and that kept the infection from spreading through my intestines and killing me. That is a lot for a young man with a 6 month old baby girl to absorb.

Since then, there have been other issues, but nothing major until I had to have quadruple bypass in 2015. There were no issues that gave a hint of a problem. I felt weird one day, and had little muscle knots in my left arm. I went to the hospital, and they told me my heart had gotten out of rhythm. I got a shot, and in 30 minutes felt great. They kept me over night for a heart cath, just to make sure everything was ok. The cath showed blockages of about 40 percent that couldn't be fixed with a stent because of their location, so boom... next day, Pappy was a open heart surgery patient.

I went in April of this year for a routine colonoscopy, and the doctor found a lesion, about the size of a nickel, that they biopsied. The test results came back inconclusive, so another biopsy was done, that also came back inconclusive. The doctor said it needed to come out. I ended up in CTCA in Newnan for scans. It was determined that I had a T2,N0,M0 tumor. I went for 28 days of chemo and radiation. Monday thru Friday, for five and a half weeks straight. 8 weeks later, a bowel resection where they took out about a foot of my lower intestine. The lymph nodes they removed during that surgery showed 3 or 4 positive indications, so now the doctors want a 4 month chemo preventative program to just about half the chances of a re-occorrence of the tumor. It will be 8 treatments, every other week, where I will be hooked to an infusion pump for 48 hours straight.

Anyway, as all these thought are being processed in my sleepless mind, I found myself thinking of the future and what it holds. Regardless, I know my Redeemer lives, and I know where I will spend eternity. My God is not a god of chance or trial and error. He is supreme and loves me more than I can even understand.

My biggest disappointment is not living my life as though I could be gone tomorrow. God knows my heart, and I want to do a better job of showing His love to others. If you feel led, this is the prayer that I would like prayed for me, that I become a radical believer that is not afraid to step out of my comfort zone to reach other for Christ.

If I can do a better job at this and the things I listed above, my life will have been a success.

When you think of your life, what would you change? Are you satisfied with the way you have lived it, or what would you change?
 
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Nicodemus

FREELANCE ADMINISTRATOR
#2
There are several things I would change if I had the chance. It was when I turned 50 that I realized that I could no longer turn the hourglass of time over again. That was a fair amount of years ago too and now seems like a lifetime ago. Since that day I have really tried to live each day to the fullest, and to try to show those that I care about how much they mean to me. That`s hard to do because I don`t show my feelings much. I do live each day as though it will be my last though.

God Bless you, Pap. I hope you have a full and speedy recovery.
 

1eyefishing

...just joking, seriously.
#3
We all must play the cards we are dealt as best we see fit when it is time to play them. Looking back, it is easier to see a few things a few things we could have done differently than not to see...
At 59, this is surely the case for me. I am hoping for a another good 20 years.
Confucius said, A man with no regrets has not lived life to the fullest.
Regrets and hindsight are natural. Together they form wisdom.

Congrats to you for becoming old and wise. Not all accomplish this.
Best of luck to you in the future.Respect sent.
 

j_seph

Senior Member
#5
Philippians 3:13-14

13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
 

formula1

Daily Bible Verse Organizer
#6
re:

The first thing I would say is that you are right where you are, right now, for God's own purpose. He has you and will not let you go. And that is forever!

We all have things we wish we could change yet perhaps it was not meant for us to change but us to 'see' so that our perspective going forward is new.

Living for Christ is simple yet radical at same time as you have pointed out. Loving God with all your heart and loving others fully with an eternal view of God's purpose matters! Plant seed everyday and trust God to make it grow! Praying your desire is realized!

Life is but a vapor and the eternal will be a glorious forever we cannot imagine! Dream of it daily and bring as many as you can into that dream! And your heavenly Father is always with you!
 
#7
This life will be but a blink compared to our eternity with God. It looks like you have the important things figured out. Praying for a good outcome on your treatments Pappy.
 
Thread starter #8
Yes, i am where God wants me for some reason. I just hope I am a quick learner so this lesson doesn't have to have extra credit work
 

Jack Ryan

Senior Member
#9
There is only today. No yesterday. No tomorrow. They are just concepts, like the fire on a match after it's put out or before it is struck.

Make it what you want it to be.
 

speedcop

Senior Member
#10
One thing I love about God's salvation, you dont have to beat yourself up about the past. Not that satan is going to stop trying to bring it up to discourage you, but even satan cant climb that fence. In my opinion you have already started. Just posting your thoughts and ambitions will affect someone's walk with Christ. Thank you for sharing, my prayers for you my friend.
 

NUTT

Senior Member
#11
Just reading your post sounds like you are very successful in life. Awesome to know that God is so real in your life that in times of trial as you are in you want to serve Him stronger and harder than ever before. Thanks for the inspiration and I pray for all these things mentioned are fulfilled so that you can continue to bless!
 
#12
First prayers with you through your recovery. I think like Speedcop said, first and foremost salvation is what God does and not what you have done or can do.
That being said as we ponder our past we often see many things we'd like to do over or be better at. A better Christian, husband, father, and citizen comes to mind.

There is always room for improvement in our future journey as well.
Maybe from here on out it's a more spiritual journey than a physical one. Maybe it's about forgiving others more, helping others more, and loving others more. That in doing so, we are helping God in that respect. Forgiveness is hard sometimes.

There is more to being radical than just spreading the gospel so to speak.
It's an easier path to see than to do for sure. Prayers for all of us as well as we get older and closer to being even past halfway there.
I think the older I get the more I wish I had been a better person.
There is a lot of things I'd like to experience and accomplish before I go.

Also the older I get I don't feel like physical things are as important as my health, family, and friends are.
I tend to get along better with people who have a different appearance or point of view.
I sense more unity.
 
#13
I think I'd like to have been a better person for me, not God.

"Just as I am" comes to mind concerning me and God.

But when I look in the mirror I see a man. A man that could never be good enough in the eyes of other men. Men, including myself sees my failures and my weaknesses.

God on the other hand doesn't. He sees only forgiveness.

So for myself, I'd like to improve. Not to add any works to replace what Jesus has done. Hopefully not for my own pride or self worth.

Maybe just to manifest the fruit of the Spirit.
 

mark-7mag

Senior Member
#14
Thanks for sharing this Pappy. A lot of it hit home with me. Continued prayers for you.
 

mark-7mag

Senior Member
#15
One thing I love about God's salvation, you dont have to beat yourself up about the past. Not that satan is going to stop trying to bring it up to discourage you, but even satan cant climb that fence. friend.
Great post!
 

Miguel Cervantes

GON Severe Weatherman
#16
Pappy, there are always things I would change, even if I thought I did them perfect the first time around. Things I would say, even though I may have thought I said exactly the right things the first time around.

It is the way God wired me, programmed me as a human.

If I had done it all perfectly the first time I wouldn't have been human. It is just the way we are designed. There is no forgiveness to ask for outside of our imperfect God given human nature. We are just to do the best we can at the time and grow to do better as we get older.

Prayers for your treatment and cure moving forward.
Mentally and spiritually I have no doubt you are on the right track and have been for much longer than you are giving yourself credit for.
 
Thread starter #17
Well, one thing I can tell you guys for sure is chemo ain't for wimps. I came off the portable pump Sunday around 3pm, and it was Wednesday morning before the fog lifted and I could think a little clearly.

I have found this week that there are more opportunities to let people know that God cares than I ever noticed in the past. Just normal everyday conversation with people reveals, just like me, they have issues in life that they are struggling to overcome.

A single mom that thinks she is not parenting well because the school called about a behavior problem with her 7 year old boy. She needed to hear that she was doing a good job, and that it will get better. I told her so, and that my dependence on God help me thru rough spots. It touched her heart from her own words.

Another guy I know agreed to attend church with me, bring his wife and father-in-law. They are not church goers now, but were raised in the church. Baptist. I hope my evangelical church isn't to wild for them. lol

anyway, thanks for the comment guys. It is a good thing to share our troubles and hopes. It is good to know we have moral support and others have traveled this path before us.

God bless, and keep the replies coming. They are refreshing
 

Paymaster

Q Cookin, Fly Tyin, Mod
#18
Pappy, thank you for sharing. My Brother is dealing with stage 3 lymphoma and he is now in remission. His attitude has been much like yours. When I read your comments, it was like the discussions he and I have had over the last three years he has dealt with it. You are in my Prayers for a full recover and healing. May God bless and lengthen your days.
 

Core Lokt

Senior Member
#19
First off, you will be in my prayers for healing, comfort and support.

Secondly, taking things for granted.... your post was an eye opener for me. All of it. I take way too many things for granted. My wife for one. Thank you for your post and God Bless brother.
 
Thread starter #20
Have you ever had a sleepless night and wondered why? Well, tonight is one of those for me. I am sitting here trying to get my thoughts all together and find myself just rejoicing in the blessings that have come my way.

God has been so good to me. I can't begin to tell you how many blessings I have received over the years. I guess the first one is being raised by Godly parents. My mom has always been a strong christian. She was saved right around the time I was born in a Salvation Army meeting. I don't ever remember any time where she wasn't always an example of how to live a godly life.

I remember when my Dad got saved. I was about 8 years old. We went to a church as a kind gesture to the pastor. He was the son of the preacher who married my parents. Well, Dad got saved at that little church, and they still attend there today, lots of different pastors later.

I recall some of the wild things we did in high school, especially with our cars. It is a miracle I survived it. But God was kind.

My appendix ruptured in 1984. It took the doctors 2 weeks to diagnose it after it ruptured. I should have died. But God was kind.

When we were building our home, our 1 year old daughter was walking around and fell thru a duct return hole. The only thing 8 ft below was a concrete floor. There was a 2 in pvc pipe just beside the hole about a foot lower than the floor level. She caught hold of the pipe, and held on until I was able to get to her and lift her up. Man.... God was kind.

When my wife was carrying our oldest daughter ( the one who fell in the hole) she had pre eclampcia. She was in the hospital for 36 days. While she was in labor, her blood pressure went to 200/120. The docs said she could have a stroke and die at any minute. But God was kind.

Our second child, a son, was born full term, but terribly small. 4 lbs, 12 oz. The doctors were afraid of all kinds of problems with him, and worried about his mental health. He graduated high school in the top 5% of his class, and has an IQ of 136. God was kind.

Our grand daughter was born with a constriction in her aorta that supplies blood to your legs. They did open heart surgery on her 5 days old. There has been no issues since then. Her cardiologist gave us the best news last check up. Elaina is perfect. She is 6 now. God is kind.

So, even though things are not the way I would prefer them right now, I can go back and see God's kindness and mercy displayed in my life. I write this as a testament to me of His faithfulness thru the years. There are many other examples I could show, as I am sure you can too.

Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV
22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

So, I offer this as my praise and testamony. Thank you God, for your mercy, your grace, and your faithfulness. I am in awe of you.
 
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