StriperAddict
Senior Member
Wise words. I wish I would have had these kind of school teachers growing up ...
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Yesterday, the students in room #820 took a test. Many of them did very well.
Many of them failed.
Most of the students who earned a high grade have received high grades before. Most of the students who failed have failed before.
Our culture has taught children how to succeed when success is within their grasp. But, we struggle to help children deal with failure in a way that transforms failure into success.
Too often, the remedy we gamble on is this:
failure + law = success
The law represents standards. It tells us what is acceptable and unacceptable and requires punishment (or negative consequences) when we fail to measure up.
We hold failure up to the law and count on the power of fear to provide what is needed to transform failure into success. Fear of failing. Fear of punishment. Fear of shame.
Sometimes this formula works. Or, it seems to in the way it convinces us to join the survival of the fittest lifestyle and try harder in the hamster wheel worldview.
Most of the time this formula fails. It's like throwing a flaming life preserver to someone stuck in a burning building.
They need water, not something else to be afraid of.
Before going back into the public school classroom, I worked as an educational consultant. I helped families who were trying to help their children learn to struggle well.
It was a grand experiment with a different remedy for failure:
failure + love = success.
Love represents a relationship of trust. Love is a source of strength. Love helps. Love provides a safe place, protected from shame.
Love never says, "It doesn't matter." Love sets limits. Love builds boundaries.
Love sits beside instead of "lording over" like the law. Love speaks the truth...repeatedly. Love casts out fear.
Love perseveres. Love never fails.
Love is the fuel of maturity. Maturity is transformation.
In my book, I share this summary of my research:
"When we aim at the target of performance, relationships and maturity always get stunted.
But when we aim at the target of building healthy relationships and intentionally supporting maturity, performance goes off the charts."
Some days I feel stuck. The sheer size of the system and the number of students in each class make it seem impossible to give enough love to the students who are failing.
The frustration that comes with failure is always such a temptation to fall back in the patterns of the law.
The system makes it easy to reward and punish...based on standards. But, the system doesn't work...for those who consistently fail.
"Father, I can't do this job without You. Thank you that I am never in room #820 without your love. Your love never fails. It is always enough.
Let love have its way today with those students who failed yesterday's test. Protect them from the shame of a bad grade.
Help me teach them a new way to respond to "not good" in a way that is love, not law. In the powerful name of Jesus, Amen."
- Janet Newberry
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Yesterday, the students in room #820 took a test. Many of them did very well.
Many of them failed.
Most of the students who earned a high grade have received high grades before. Most of the students who failed have failed before.
Our culture has taught children how to succeed when success is within their grasp. But, we struggle to help children deal with failure in a way that transforms failure into success.
Too often, the remedy we gamble on is this:
failure + law = success
The law represents standards. It tells us what is acceptable and unacceptable and requires punishment (or negative consequences) when we fail to measure up.
We hold failure up to the law and count on the power of fear to provide what is needed to transform failure into success. Fear of failing. Fear of punishment. Fear of shame.
Sometimes this formula works. Or, it seems to in the way it convinces us to join the survival of the fittest lifestyle and try harder in the hamster wheel worldview.
Most of the time this formula fails. It's like throwing a flaming life preserver to someone stuck in a burning building.
They need water, not something else to be afraid of.
Before going back into the public school classroom, I worked as an educational consultant. I helped families who were trying to help their children learn to struggle well.
It was a grand experiment with a different remedy for failure:
failure + love = success.
Love represents a relationship of trust. Love is a source of strength. Love helps. Love provides a safe place, protected from shame.
Love never says, "It doesn't matter." Love sets limits. Love builds boundaries.
Love sits beside instead of "lording over" like the law. Love speaks the truth...repeatedly. Love casts out fear.
Love perseveres. Love never fails.
Love is the fuel of maturity. Maturity is transformation.
In my book, I share this summary of my research:
"When we aim at the target of performance, relationships and maturity always get stunted.
But when we aim at the target of building healthy relationships and intentionally supporting maturity, performance goes off the charts."
Some days I feel stuck. The sheer size of the system and the number of students in each class make it seem impossible to give enough love to the students who are failing.
The frustration that comes with failure is always such a temptation to fall back in the patterns of the law.
The system makes it easy to reward and punish...based on standards. But, the system doesn't work...for those who consistently fail.
"Father, I can't do this job without You. Thank you that I am never in room #820 without your love. Your love never fails. It is always enough.
Let love have its way today with those students who failed yesterday's test. Protect them from the shame of a bad grade.
Help me teach them a new way to respond to "not good" in a way that is love, not law. In the powerful name of Jesus, Amen."
- Janet Newberry
