Killing a hog without a gun

[Tugboat1]

So I came to Ireland for a visit and ended up a Covid refugee for the foreseeable future. After repeated praise of true southern BBQ, my hosts told me to put up or shut up. Fair enough.
Located and had some nice seasoned silver beech hardwood delivered. Decent hardwood is hard to come by and quite pricey.
I finally negotiated with a local farmer for 30ish pound Tamworth hog I'm due to pick up, live, next week. Apparently it's against the law to kill and butcher an animal without being a licensed abattoir.
I harvest quite a few hogs at home night hunting and with a .22 mag. Clean kill shots to the ear. Here, I can't even find anyone with a pellet gun so I'm trying to figure out a way to dispatch this piglet cleanly and humanely, with minimal noise last the neighbors get upset. My first thought was cut both sides of the throat but since I'll be scalding and smoking the whole pig, I am concerned about the aesthetics in presentation to folks who have never seen such. Plus, my pig sticker is back at camp and I only have a short fixed blade I brought with my fishing gear. My second thought was to give a good whack to the forehead with a 4 lb Sledge hammer to stun and then drive a spike through from ear to ear. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated from the collective wisdom.

 

[northgeorgiasportsman]

You mean the farmer that sold you the pig doesn't have a means for dispatching critters? I applaud your efforts, but how much meat you gonna get from a 30lb pig? I'm sure you have a plan, but if I was gonna impress someone with southern bbq, I'd be smoking a nice fat butt.

 

[Mr Bya Lungshot]

Have the local farmer kill it. Lol

 

[Tugboat1]

The farmer won't kill it and I really enjoy a suckling pig and a whole hog presentation. I'm feeding five people and believe it was or not, I've been to six or seven butchers and they've never heard of a boston butt. All the pork is industrial and comes precut to them. Now beef or lamb is a different story.

 

[Tugboat1]

Have the local farmer kill it. Lol

Gee, that never occurred to me. Lol

 

[Nicodemus]

Stun it with the hammer then cut its throat.

 

[transfixer]

That is somewhat of a predicament , I suppose your idea of a hammer to the head and a spike or large nail through the ear or through the top of its head into the brain is your only option ?

 

[Raylander]

I’d bust it right between the eyes with a hammer- ball peen if available

 

[northgeorgiasportsman]

Let us know how it goes. This sounds like an adventure.

 

[DrK]

LOL! Looks like you are in for an adventure.

Back in the old country people would get a flat of whiskey and shove it down the throat of a goat to get it drunk and then slaughter it. That was a funny sight and a least gave the goat a memorable way to go. Not sure what will happen when you slam the liquor down a pig's throat. If it likes beer you may be able to give him enough to get him dead drunk.

Electric shock is another thing that comes to mind. Will it make the pig squeal? I don't know.

A big sword, cleaver or guillotine to chop the head off like they did Mary Queen of Scots might work too.

 

[NCHillbilly]

I would go with a big ball-peen hammer. Then cut the jugular.

 

[northgeorgiasportsman]

If you kill this pig and you don't have your face painted like this guy, you failed.

 

[Raylander]

Make a guillotine.

Kill it with a piece of that firewood.

I’m just spit-balling here

 

[Tugboat1]

Stun it with the hammer then cut its throat.

Yeah Nick, that's probably the way I'll go. I've cut the neck before and it took a few minutes for them to give up the ghost. You think a spike through the ears would be quicker since it's a small one?

 

[Tugboat1]

That is somewhat of a predicament , I suppose your idea of a hammer to the head and a spike or large nail through the ear or through the top of its head into the brain is your only option ?

Well I have a machete.

 

[Tugboat1]

I've always wanted to try it Rambo style. Wrap a KABAR at the end of a wood stick as a makeshift spear and ambush one from up on a tree.

As an aside, I use an electric bike when hunting at home and been thinking a calvary charge on a group in a food plot with a spear would be a rush.

 

[notnksnemor]

In the immortal words of Roy D. Mercer "How big a boy are ya'"?
Choke it to death.

 

[Tugboat1]

LOL! Looks like you are in for an adventure.

Back in the old country people would get a flat of whiskey and shove it down the throat of a goat to get it drunk and then slaughter it. That was a funny sight and a least gave the goat a memorable way to go. Not sure what will happen when you slam the liquor down a pig's throat. If it likes beer you may be able to give him enough to get him dead drunk.

Electric shock is another thing that comes to mind. Will it make the pig squeal? I don't know.

A big sword, cleaver or guillotine to chop the head off like they did Mary Queen of Scots might work too.

Now that's an idea! I just finished a big batch of ginger beer ( drinking is expensive here) so maybe I can coax it to have a swig.

 

[Tugboat1]

If you kill this pig and you don't have your face painted like this guy, you failed.

View attachment 1015449

The local colors are green and yellow. I might give it a try.

 

[Tugboat1]

In the immortal words of Roy D. Mercer "How big a boy are ya'"?
Choke it to death.

Looking for quick and humane.