I think abandonment is probably the toughest to work through.
Go for it. You can judge for yourself if the counselor is full of it or not. Other option would be a clergy.
That's my concern with counselors or psychiatrist. Seems like some of them are determined to blame it on someone else instead of the child or young adult.That’s my concern. Either that or they reinforce a victim mentality rather than focusing on personal responsibility and accountability.
I think abandonment is probably the toughest to work through.
Yes sir they certainly do.He doesn’t talk about it but I know the pain is there. Kids need dads in their lives.
He doesn’t talk about it but I know the pain is there. Kids need dads in their lives.
Mentoring vs counselingWant to hear some thoughts and personal experiences good or bad in dealing with defiant teens and adding professional counselors to the mix. I came up with a father whose counseling method was a belt to the backside. It was called an attitude adjuster. That seemed to be the way it was for countless previous generations but not now. I’m doubtful about whether these mental health people do more harm than good. Anyone have good outcomes they can report? Things to look for in finding one?
That would be what I'd recommend. A family counselor. Me and my oldest saw one for about a year. It helped our relationship. We are both hard headed and don't talk much about our feelings. Joint counseling got us talkingThat would be me. His biological father abandoned him when he was a baby.
I could just back off and let him do whatever he wants and have whatever he wants. There would be less conflict that way and he will be out of the house in less than 2 years. I think that would be doing him a disservice.
You are a dear friend to me Steven. I knew of this struggle but I never spoke of it ! It was/is a ....... family thing !! Conner is AOK....as is the rest of your off sprang !!My youngest was very defiant and after his cancer diagnosis he had a lot of issues. We had him visit a therapist over the course of a few months with no help. I finally stopped trying to force him into what I wanted and just focused on guiding him.
We made sure the basic rules at home were followed and such and now he is 19 and very well grounded. He works every day and invests his money.
One thing that really helped was making sure he had a friend around a lot, the peers in their life seems to have a greater impact than the parents once they reach a certain age. It was a hard pill to swallow but once we eased off and started picking our battles it helped a lot.
I even looked into boot camp for him and almost did it. But after speaking to and reading about several teens that were sent to them I think that is the worst thing you could do. It makes them think you are giving up on them and the ones I talked to ended up worse off for it.
He was in scouts and doing well but dropped out of it because of some teasing from the other boys. We've encouraged him to join another troop but he doesn't want to. I'm trying to keep an open mind and I realize we all have our unique perceptions but I think he got away with a lot when it was just his mother. Disrespect has been an issue from the beginning particularly toward his mother. I don't know that I agree with the advice to not judge in that situation. I'm taking a hard line on misbehavior and he's not taking it well. Sometimes love necessitates judgment. I could just back off and let him do whatever he wants and have whatever he wants. There would be less conflict that way and he will be out of the house in less than 2 years. I think that would be doing him a disservice.