groundhawg
Senior Member
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up
and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock,
I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady
isn't wearing a seat belt!'
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. It read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are
not necessarily those of his parents'
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar…
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old
daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone
to talk to you right now, she's hitting the bottle.
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched
in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever
seen a little boy before?'
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school,
I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and
down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered
and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed
help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told
her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would
you please tie my shoe?'
POLICE #2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back
there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then
towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself
for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,
'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently,
his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that
proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton
batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always
said: 'Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he
goes.'
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting
my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they
won't let me talk!
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's
voice, he answered 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
Share
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up
and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock,
I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady
isn't wearing a seat belt!'
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. It read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are
not necessarily those of his parents'
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar…
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old
daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone
to talk to you right now, she's hitting the bottle.
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched
in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever
seen a little boy before?'
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school,
I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and
down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered
and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed
help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told
her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would
you please tie my shoe?'
POLICE #2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back
there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then
towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself
for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,
'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently,
his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that
proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton
batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always
said: 'Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he
goes.'
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting
my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they
won't let me talk!
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's
voice, he answered 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
Share
