Is your wife your partner or your mother

[The mtn man]

A lot of people won't understand this post, I totally get it.

Yep, I know what you mean, you have to live it to get it. I guess that's why a lot of folks I've known most of my life look at me like I'm going to eat their children. In public we seemed like a normal married couple, but it wasn't like that at all. Of course I have my quirks that could be annoying to some people, but I was always respectful to her, she bought whatever she wanted with money I had worked for, I never said a word, a lot of people say I should have put my foot down and stopped it. No one should ever have to put their foot down if both people in a relationship are mutually respectful to the other. I tried to reason with her for years, but learned that you cannot reason with a narcissistic, unempathetic human.

 

[NCHillbilly]

Yep, I know what you mean, you have to live it to get it. I guess that's why a lot of folks I've known most of my life look at me like I'm going to eat their children. In public we seemed like a normal married couple, but it wasn't like that at all. Of course I have my quirks that could be annoying to some people, but I was always respectful to her, she bought whatever she wanted with money I had worked for, I never said a word, a lot of people say I should have put my foot down and stopped it. No one should ever have to put their foot down if both people in a relationship are mutually respectful to the other. I tried to reason with her for years, but learned that you cannot reason with a narcissistic, unempathetic human.

Yes, I also have been at the point when I realized that life was too short to live like that another day. And as you said, second marriages are usually good. You go into them with a whole different outlook on life.

 

[Possum]

Yesterday was our 9th anniversary. The first 6 years were rough at times but we worked through problems and matured together and I feel like now we finally got it figured out. 99% of people would have divorced if they had the marriage we had back then. Thank God we didn’t because life couldn’t get any better than it is now. We never had separate accounts and we always consult eachother on every major decision. If anyone wants my advice I would say if you are in an unhappy marriage you need to work to make it better. Don’t take advice from divorced people.

 

[KyDawg]

Who doesn't? Ya'll even do.

Oh, and we share a bank account. He has his play $ and I have mine. Just happens we like to play together.

Old before marriage pic of me and him added above. Dang we're old.facepalm:

He looks jut like Hairy Dawg.

 

[mrs. hornet22]

He looks jut like Hairy Dawg.

That's a compliment!
He needed the hair of the dawg the next morning.
We had been the the Georgia game all day(still had our cups) and at a sorority dance all night.

 

[northgeorgiasportsman]

My wife is my favorite hunting/fishing/camping partner. She can't read sign quite like the Mtn Man, but she's a whole lot more fun to cuddle with around the fire.

One of our first dates was a deer hunt that I killed a nice 8pt on. We've elk hunted, fly fished, and hiked the AT together. She knows I'm an outdoorsman and she's never said a word when I spent money on gear that I probably shouldn't have. Just today I text her and said be prepared, I'm about to order a whole lot of rifle parts. She never batted an eye.

She's a beauty queen, but she's a cold blooded killer too. Some would say I out kicked my coverage, I just have to remind her every day what a lucky woman she is.


12 short years ago...

 

[Milkman]

Yesterday was our 9th anniversary. The first 6 years were rough at times but we worked through problems and matured together and I feel like now we finally got it figured out. 99% of people would have divorced if they had the marriage we had back then. Thank God we didn’t because life couldn’t get any better than it is now. We never had separate accounts and we always consult eachother on every major decision. If anyone wants my advice I would say if you are in an unhappy marriage you need to work to make it better. Don’t take advice from divorced people.

So does this mean you don’t think there are valid reasons for divorce??

 

[Possum]

So does this mean you don’t think there are valid reasons for divorce??

No I think there are plenty of valid reasons but I think the vast majority of reasons people get divorced are not valid.
Abusive is valid
Happiness not valid

 

[NCHillbilly]

No I think there are plenty of valid reasons but I think the vast majority of reasons people get divorced are not valid.
Abusive is valid
Happiness not valid

So, it's best spending the rest of your life unhappy and miserable so that you don't suffer the stigma of divorce? I don't get that line of thought. What good is it to be alive and unhappy, with no hope of better days?

 

[mguthrie]

My wife is my favorite hunting/fishing/camping partner. She can't read sign quite like the Mtn Man, but she's a whole lot more fun to cuddle with around the fire.

One of our first dates was a deer hunt that I killed a nice 8pt on. We've elk hunted, fly fished, and hiked the AT together. She knows I'm an outdoorsman and she's never said a word when I spent money on gear that I probably shouldn't have. Just today I text her and said be prepared, I'm about to order a whole lot of rifle parts. She never batted an eye.

She's a beauty queen, but she's a cold blooded killer too. Some would say I out kicked my coverage, I just have to remind her every day what a lucky woman she is.


12 short years ago...

I've got one just like that.

 

[Possum]

So, it's best spending the rest of your life unhappy and miserable so that you don't suffer the stigma of divorce? I don't get that line of thought. What good is it to be alive and unhappy, with no hope of better days?

I didn’t say be unhappy and stay unhappy. I said you need to work on becoming happy.
My wife and I were both very unhappy for a long time. We made eachother miserable for a long time. We both wanted a divorce and started that process. But happiness or unhappiness is not a permanent emotion. It can change even when you don’t see any possible way. It takes work and work is something many people aren’t willing to do. Some people get divorced and become happy but more often they get divorced become happy for a while then become unhappy again. So I’m glad that me and my wife didn’t take others advice and call it quits because we have an amazing life, have amazing happy kids and love eachother now more than ever. I never would have thought it was possible but it was.

 

[The mtn man]

My wife is my favorite hunting/fishing/camping partner. She can't read sign quite like the Mtn Man, but she's a whole lot more fun to cuddle with around the fire.

One of our first dates was a deer hunt that I killed a nice 8pt on. We've elk hunted, fly fished, and hiked the AT together. She knows I'm an outdoorsman and she's never said a word when I spent money on gear that I probably shouldn't have. Just today I text her and said be prepared, I'm about to order a whole lot of rifle parts. She never batted an eye.

She's a beauty queen, but she's a cold blooded killer too. Some would say I out kicked my coverage, I just have to remind her every day what a lucky woman she is.


12 short years ago...

I'd say you married up, you did good. Nothing like having a life partner that you have common interests with. And don't worry, I probably won't be trying to cuddle with you around the campfire.

 

[NCHillbilly]

I didn’t say be unhappy and stay unhappy. I said you need to work on becoming happy.
My wife and I were both very unhappy for a long time. We made eachother miserable for a long time. We both wanted a divorce and started that process. But happiness or unhappiness is not a permanent emotion. It can change even when you don’t see any possible way. It takes work and work is something many people aren’t willing to do. Some people get divorced and become happy but more often they get divorced become happy for a while then become unhappy again. So I’m glad that me and my wife didn’t take others advice and call it quits because we have an amazing life, have amazing happy kids and love eachother now more than ever. I never would have thought it was possible but it was.

Good for y'all! It doesn't always work out like that, though. It's good when it does.

 

[The mtn man]

I didn’t say be unhappy and stay unhappy. I said you need to work on becoming happy.
My wife and I were both very unhappy for a long time. We made eachother miserable for a long time. We both wanted a divorce and started that process. But happiness or unhappiness is not a permanent emotion. It can change even when you don’t see any possible way. It takes work and work is something many people aren’t willing to do. Some people get divorced and become happy but more often they get divorced become happy for a while then become unhappy again. So I’m glad that me and my wife didn’t take others advice and call it quits because we have an amazing life, have amazing happy kids and love eachother now more than ever. I never would have thought it was possible but it was.

I'm certainly glad for you, that is defiantly the best option. But what if one person refuses to compromise, what if one person begged his wife to change for 18 years but she never waivers? Would you consider trying for 18 years to compromise with someone that will not compromise giving it a good try? There are some people in this world that absolutely have no empathy for others, their way of behaving, or their ideas are all that matters and they will not move. How would you like being married to someone that literally would not speak to you for months because you bought some fishing tackle? Or being married to someone who refused to allow you to know what kind of debts had been added in your name? Or who would refuse to give you access to your own bank account? How would you feel after you were to separate from this person and find out she had ran up $52k in credit card debt in your name and had hid it from you, and sticks you with it? There are a lot of folks who literally have a hatred for me for some reason because I ended my nightmare. But to them I say, you didn't have to live through it, oppression is justification for revolution as I see it. As for your marriage, it's good to hear that two people can come to their senses and come together to fix their relationship, there are good people in this world. As for marital unfaithfullness, I believe unfaithfullness comes in many forms. Not just stepping out.

 

[Possum]

I'm certainly glad for you, that is defiantly the best option. But what if one person refuses to compromise, what if one person begged his wife to change for 18 years but she never waivers? Would you consider trying for 18 years to compromise with someone that will not compromise giving it a good try? There are some people in this world that absolutely have no empathy for others, their way of behaving, or their ideas are all that matters and they will not move. How would you like being married to someone that literally would not speak to you for months because you bought some fishing tackle? Or being married to someone who refused to allow you to know what kind of debts had been added in your name? Or who would refuse to give you access to your own bank account? How would you feel after you were to separate from this person and find out she had ran up $52k in credit card debt in your name and had hid it from you, and sticks you with it? There are a lot of folks who literally have a hatred for me for some reason because I ended my nightmare. But to them I say, you didn't have to live through it, oppression is justification for revolution as I see it. As for your marriage, it's good to hear that two people can come to their senses and come together to fix their relationship, there are good people in this world.

If your situation is as you describe then I would say you definitely had a valid reason and I would have called it quits even sooner than you did.
All I was saying is that far too often people call it quits to early. They think it will always be the way it is. They get in a habit of making eachother unhappy. I know many people in bad marriages and I see how a husband/ wife treat eachother and it reminds me of how my marriage used to be. I wish I could do something for them but most will not want to hear advice from someone like me who has been through it and came out ok. They instead usually listen to the friends, family, co-workers, etc. who tell them they deserve better. That’s why I say don’t take advice from divorced people.

 

[Milkman]

If your situation is as you describe then I would say you definitely had a valid reason and I would have called it quits even sooner than you did.
All I was saying is that far too often people call it quits to early. They think it will always be the way it is. They get in a habit of making eachother unhappy. I know many people in bad marriages and I see how a husband/ wife treat eachother and it reminds me of how my marriage used to be. I wish I could do something for them but most will not want to hear advice from someone like me who has been through it and came out ok. They instead usually listen to the friends, family, co-workers, etc. who tell them they deserve better. That’s why I say don’t take advice from divorced people.

Who are you saying should not ask a divorced person for advice?

 

[The mtn man]

If your situation is as you describe then I would say you definitely had a valid reason and I would have called it quits even sooner than you did.
All I was saying is that far too often people call it quits to early. They think it will always be the way it is. They get in a habit of making eachother unhappy. I know many people in bad marriages and I see how a husband/ wife treat eachother and it reminds me of how my marriage used to be. I wish I could do something for them but most will not want to hear advice from someone like me who has been through it and came out ok. They instead usually listen to the friends, family, co-workers, etc. who tell them they deserve better. That’s why I say don’t take advice from divorced people.

It's definatly better to save it if possible no doubt, I really am glad for you.

 

[mrs. hornet22]

All joking aside, being married to a controlling woman is the worse thing that could happen to a man, I was married young, barely 20 years old, at the protest of my friends and family. I married a girl from my hometown that I didn't really know until I first went out with her at the end of my high school senior year. I'll try to keep this short, she was great I thought in the beginning, I kid you not, as soon as we drove off from the wedding reception her switch flipped. We never even stayed in the same bed on our honey moon. This was the first issue I had. It just went down hill from there, after almost a year, I had decided I was done with it. The problem was at that time she became with child. When my first born came into the world, I fell head over heels in love with my baby boy, I decided I could tolerate anything to be there for him every step of the way. Then 2 more baby girls came along, they were my whole life, while all this is going on, my wife treats me like one of them. I found out real quick that her opinion of me was nothing more than a paycheck. I cleaned house, I worked 2 full time jobs, while she decided to go back to school after she already had a degree, she actually went back 3 times for 3 different CensoredCensored . And then on to masters, all the while I was working 80-100 hour weeks because she demanded it. She took control of the joint account, it took several years of fighting for me to even get a debit card, and if I got $20 out of the ATM she would be calling me within the hour yelling at me about getting money without her permission. Keep in mind , at this point, I'm making about $90k per year, she's making about $50k. I drove the same old pickup truck I had from a teenager for almost 25 years because she refused to allow me to get a different one, while she got a new one about every 4 years. While all this is going on she talked to me and kids like dogs. I would console my children after she would yell and scream at them and tell them, try not to make mom mad, she comes down on all of us. About 12 years ago, I started thinking I had to get out of it. So for 10 years I thought of the repercussions, was it worth what I would go through if I left? So 2 years ago, I finally ripped the bandaid off, and just said after 18 years of marriage, I'm gone! Well all heck broke loose then, she and her friends immediately started a smear campaign, I was well respected in the community, now people won't give me the time of day, she turned my kids against me, I hadn't seen my youngest daughter in 2 years, my oldest is in college, he hasn't spoken to me, but maybe once in a year, my middle child will text some, but she will not see me. It's the worse possible scenario as far as my kids are concerned. She sued me, I fought with all I had, until we finally settled, all she ever wanted was my money, I have 2 more years to pay child support, she only got what the state of NC mandates, she did get my house, and everything I ever worked for, but really, it's ok with me. I now have someone who treats me like a human, she is my best friend, she can even out fish me, and that's impressive. Starting over at 40 years old is tough, but she has held my hand through it. As far as marriage, I always said I would never do it again, but she is making me think that being married to someone who actually wants what's best for you could be a life I could enjoy, so marriage again for more is more than likely on the horizon for me in the not so far future. We always hear that men are the ones who are abusive in relationships, I can speak from experience that women can be too, verbal abuse from women is tough when your the kind of guy that thinks fighting with your spouse is dumb and unproductive. I was thought to respect women, but that works both ways.

This is very sad and if you are who I think you are, I don't know how anybody in their right mind could be mean to you. Also, if you are who I think you are, you did REAL good with this one.

 

[Possum]

Who are you saying should not ask a divorced person for advice?

Anyone who is thinking about it. A divorced person who was unhappily married is going to say it was the best thing they ever did. That could influence another unhappy married person into making a similar decision that may or may not be the right decision for them.
I can say for sure am happier now than I would be if I had gone through with a divorce. When you ask for marriage advice you will have no shortage of people willing to give it. Again I’m just glad my wife and I didn’t listen to anyone but eachother back when we were thinking about divorce.

 

[elfiii]

Again I’m just glad my wife and I didn’t listen to anyone but eachother back when we were thinking about divorce.

Not me. I'm glad I got a divorce from my first wife. 46 years later and she is still stalking me.