Need advice.

[Backlasher82]

If your concern is really for your wife's parents being put in an uncomfortable situation, have them move in with you and let some of the kids move upstairs.

If you feel you must air your views on your in-laws parenting it is going to cause a lot of drama and ruin the vacation for everybody. The old folks are 80, they aren't going to be at many more family gatherings, let them enjoy this.

 

[The Longhunter]

I would like to know if it is non of our business if her parents are upset about this situation and too scared to say anything.


I would think it would be my duty to let my sister know that this is not how we were raised, and that she is being disrespectful to our parents by allowing this.

Why is it your "duty" to do anything.

If I was your SIL, I'd tell you that I didn't get the memo putting you in charge of everyone else lives.

Again, your parents have earned the right to live their life they way they want, passive or not.

I really don't see the answer to their passivity being you telling them they are wrong. Don't you see a little something wrong with that picture?

 

[thc_clubPres]

long as nothing illegal going on, let it go. grab a beer or better yet a drink mixed with Jack

 

[SarahFair]

The four younger kids are staying with us due to there not being enough room in the other 4 bed room plus bunk room. So basically it is a 5 bed room condo.

I would only get involved if my wife asked me.

I would like to know if it is non of our business if her parents are upset about this situation and too scared to say anything.

Would I be wrong if my sister was allowing this to happen with her kids in front of my mother?

I would think it would be my duty to let my sister know that this is not how we were raised, and that she is being disrespectful to our parents by allowing this.

Is the issue that I am the husband, rather than blood?

If so, I completely respect that.

If not, I am at a loss how anyone could allow people in their 80's who raised them to be disrespected by a sibling.

You not being blood will be a problem.
98% of the time we are willing to forgive blood, but married in relationships, especially one so new... ehhh. You'll crate a grudge that will be there for years, If not forever.
It sounds like you are too emotionally involved to be a mediator. Let the sister's handle it.
If my BIL who only saw my kids a few times a year started telling me how he disapproves of my parenting I might take it defensively.



If the grandparents came to you and your wife with their concerns let them know y'all support them, but not being blood id still take the back seat (like 3rd row back seat)

 

[biggdogg]

An even bigger problem is that you are allowing this to ruin yours and your wife's vacation. It isn't your sister. It isn't your kids. It isn't your parents. Let the family handle it if they see it as a problem and go about your business and enjoy your vacation. It really sounds like you're looking to pick a fight to be honest.

 

[HuntDawg]

I stayed out of it. This afternoon her parents came up to our condo for a late lunch. Her mother brought up something about the oldest grandson's girlfriend. They have been dating for about 1 year. She said that when the girlfriend was dropped off for this trip, it was the first time my sister in-law had met the girls mother. My mother in law could not understand that.

Well, my wife jumped in. She said I wonder if the mother knows she is sleeping in the same bed as her boyfriend? I kept eating my lunch.

Grandpa jumps in and says we did not do that in our day. I guess it is the times. My wife answered back that it is not the times, and you did not raise us this way. Grandma then said, "Well, they have their clothes on". My wife was respectful and asked what does having clothes on have to do with it? My wife reminded them that her sister knows this is not the standard you set for us growing up.

Her parents both changed the subject, and walked out onto the balcony.

I was proud of my wife. She is very passive as well, but she whole heartedly feels that this whole situation is disrespectful to her parents, and knows that they are too old and worn out to say anything, or for that matter not come on a trip like this.

My wife feels she did the right thing. I held my ground.

Bottom line is we will not be going on anymore trips with her sister. How she raises her family is her own business, but we both feel that disrespecting her parents is her business, and having children sleeping together in front of their faces is disrespectful.

 

[HuntDawg]

For what it is worth. Our biggest problem is that we are just shocked in learning all of this. Like I said, we visit often considering they live 12 hours away. Our visits are always spending the night at her parents home. Sure, we always go over to the sisters house, but never spend the night.

Maybe we are old fashioned. We both grew up in the church. We are not saints.

It is just something that completely caught us off guard considering where my wife comes from.

Granted, it is not my place to say something to her family. In did not, but we will not be back on vacation.

Heck, it would be like guys on this forum vacationing with a PETA member. Not something I enjoy doing.

 

[Big7]

You not being blood will be a problem.
98% of the time we are willing to forgive blood, but married in relationships, especially one so new... ehhh. You'll crate a grudge that will be there for years, If not forever.
It sounds like you are too emotionally involved to be a mediator. Let the sister's handle it.
If my BIL who only saw my kids a few times a year started telling me how he disapproves of my parenting I might take it defensively.



If the grandparents came to you and your wife with their concerns let them know y'all support them, but not being blood id still take the back seat (like 3rd row back seat)

That's basically what I said waaayyyy back on post #3

Me getting involved even when instructed to do so by X GF's Just made me the bad guy and broke us up... more than one girl too..

(first wife and I didn't have any, second wife had one no problems there)

Let your wife handle it!

 

[Gadestroyer74]

X3 or wherever blood can do and say whatever they want to. An outsider can say the same exact something and you might get your teeth knocked in so to speak. I know your in a bad situation make the best you can of it have fun enjoy the family as best you can. There is more things going on is this world worse than this. Doesn't make it right. It's best we tend to our own business and let the others worry with themselves. If you dwell on the actions of others family or not you will find yourself always in the middle of things. Make the best you can of this vacation. You will know what not to do next time. The less drama you have the happier you will be. That's why I stay home or in the woods. I can't change the world so I don't go out into the life of it. I stay within what makes me happy.... Good day neighbor

 

[660griz]

Car backseats are not as nice as they use to be.

 

[mark-7mag]

You not being blood will be a problem.
98% of the time we are willing to forgive blood, but married in relationships, especially one so new... ehhh. You'll crate a grudge that will be there for years, If not forever.
It sounds like you are too emotionally involved to be a mediator. Let the sister's handle it.
If my BIL who only saw my kids a few times a year started telling me how he disapproves of my parenting I might take it defensively.



If the grandparents came to you and your wife with their concerns let them know y'all support them, but not being blood id still take the back seat (like 3rd row back seat)

Well said!

 

[fishingtiger]

only way to handle this is for your wife to talk to her sister and let her know how offended their parents are and to be more respectful of her parents. That is all that can be done. I would stay out of this if I were you.

 

[HuntDawg]

I stayed out of it. My wife brought it up to her parents as I stated earlier. Like I said, they have been railroaded all of their lives, and will take it to avoid confrontation.

I just hate to see my wife so distraught over this. She was not raised like this. She was brought up in the church and graduated from a Christian College.

They live in a very small town, and have been members of the same Church for over 80 years. 4 generations graduating from the same High School.

You guys know how teenagers are. By lunch time on Monday the entire school will know that these kids were allowed to sleep together while on vacation with parents and grandparents approving. You guys know how it goes.

The other part that amazes us is that our oldest nephew graduated 2 years ago and is dating a 16 year old sophomore. I guess the in-laws have no worries about possible legal ramifications concerning that arrangement.

Bottom line, we will not be vacationing with the sister ever again. My wife loves her, but is disgusted with her behavior.

I do not know how my wife will handle any of this with her sister. I just know she loves those kids and is very worried about their future.

 

[Dub]

Kudos to you for staying out of it.

I'd hope that were it my sibling, however, we could discuss such matters between ourselves before discussing it with our parents.

Why is human nature so quick to talk about each other instead of to each other?????

That drives me nuts.

I sure as heck wouldn't let someone else's moral shortcomings effect my hard earned vacation. I'd enjoy the time with my wife, pray for the kids and try to mentor them in some way as the opportunity presents itself. If she chooses to discuss it with her sister....then fine. If not, then I'd let the issue drop.



I'm not going to sit around and be brought down by other folks's screwups.

No sir.....a condo in a nice spot with my beautiful bride.....yeah, I can think of a ton of other fun stuff to focus on.

I'm sure there are many things that I do that drive my family nuts, too.




All my opinions said,though, I fully agree that things with kids are just not what they used to be. I see it all the time. I see it when I interview young twenty-somethings....see their work ethics and behavior in professional environments. There truly is a different standard underfoot these days.

I look at some of the stuff I see and hear and think back to when I was growing up. I'd have been slapped, punched and grounded for years if I'd done some of this stuff.

I sometimes tell my own son that and he gives me that , "Yeah, right, whatever you say, Dad" look. He just can't believe that sweet old Grandma and Grandaddy would have ever been so strict. If only he knew firsthand......ouch.


Times......they are a-changing....

 

[3ringer]

The way I see it, you done wasted minutes to hours of valuable vacation time. I have vacationed with people who did things I don't like. I don't vacation with them anymore. Put it behind you and y'all enjoy was is left of your vacation.

 

[Doc_5729]

I stayed out of it. This afternoon her parents came up to our condo for a late lunch. Her mother brought up something about the oldest grandson's girlfriend. They have been dating for about 1 year. She said that when the girlfriend was dropped off for this trip, it was the first time my sister in-law had met the girls mother. My mother in law could not understand that.

Well, my wife jumped in. She said I wonder if the mother knows she is sleeping in the same bed as her boyfriend? I kept eating my lunch.

Grandpa jumps in and says we did not do that in our day. I guess it is the times. My wife answered back that it is not the times, and you did not raise us this way. Grandma then said, "Well, they have their clothes on". My wife was respectful and asked what does having clothes on have to do with it? My wife reminded them that her sister knows this is not the standard you set for us growing up.

Her parents both changed the subject, and walked out onto the balcony.

I was proud of my wife. She is very passive as well, but she whole heartedly feels that this whole situation is disrespectful to her parents, and knows that they are too old and worn out to say anything, or for that matter not come on a trip like this.

My wife feels she did the right thing. I held my ground.

Bottom line is we will not be going on anymore trips with her sister. How she raises her family is her own business, but we both feel that disrespecting her parents is her business, and having children sleeping together in front of their faces is disrespectful.

This pretty much sums it up.......

Grandpa jumps in and says we did not do that in our day. I guess it is the times.

Grandma then said, "Well, they have their clothes on".

Her parents both changed the subject, and walked out onto the balcony.

NONE of their business and have accepted the fact.

Not their house
Not their rules
Not their kids
Not their problem

Simple enough

 

[Doc_5729]

I also have a legitimate Dr. Phil type question for the OP.

Did you share a bed with your wife BEFORE or AFTER you were married?

Is there a Double Standard here?