Need advice.

[HuntDawg]

My wife and I have been married for 6 years. She is an awesome partner and friend. She was raised right. My mother considers her a daughter and could not have asked for a more perfect daughter in law. We have no children and will not due to our late start in marrying. Too risky for a child's health

Now for the unbelievable. We are currently in Florida with her Sister and husband, their 7 children, and my wife's parents. Her family lives 12 hours from us, so we only see them about 4 to 6 times per year when we fly up.

My wife and I are in our own condo here, the others have their own condo 1 floor up. The nieces and nephews range from 18 to 12 years old. The two oldest boys brought their girlfriends, and the oldest girl brought her boyfriend.

Here we go. As we helped them get settled, we realized that the three kids with their dates are each sleeping in the same beds together. I could not believe my eyes. My wife is sick to her stomach. She was not raised this way. Heck, while we were dating in our 30's and would go visit, we slept in separate bed rooms. It never crossed our minds to sleep in her parents home in the same bed. In am no saint, but I be danged if I would even think to sleep in the same bed with a mans daughter in his own home with out being married.

To top it all off, this is happening right in front of my wife's parents, who by the way, are at the church every time the door is open.

We know this is killing her parents, but I can assure you they do not have the guts to rock the boat.

I told my wife that her sister can raise her children anyway they want too, but I will not pretend this is not happening. I do not know how to handle this.

Should we wait until the trip is over, and mention to both that we are offended? Should we speak up now.

My biggest problem is the fact that it is being done in front of the grandparents and we both know they are offended.

Regardless of what we do, we will never go on a trip with them again with this type of behavior. If we had children, I know we would have packed our bags and left.

We will still visit them, but I will never be put in this situation again.

Any advice, before I make an - I AM A POTTY MOUTH -- I AM A POTTY MOUTH -- I AM A POTTY MOUTH - of myself?

 

[Big7]

I keep getting kicked off. Had you a message typed up to post
and lost it.

I'm going to try to send you a PM so check it next time you log on.

 

[Big7]

That didn't work either.
Will try from another computer ASAP.

BEEN THERE.

I know EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED TO DO!

Let your wife handle it in private with her family as you are
walking out the door.

Wife can fuss all she wants. They will get over it!

You get in it at first that makes YOU the bad guy and EVERYONE will turn on you. You can get involved later after everyone cools off.

IT WILL HAVE AN EFFECT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR WIFE. TRUST ME!

More detail when I figure out why I'm getting kicked off..

Stay out of it for now.

Good luck!

 

[zedex]

I'll tell you how my grandmother handles this stuff. Keep in mind that I am the youngest living grandchild at 49:

"You come to my house and are not married to each other, you sleep in separate rooms."

There is no room for debate. I've never pushed the issue. But, I have one brother who was living with a girl while she was still married to her husband. My grandmother allowed my brother to visit her but refused the girl altogether.

Simply put, the one that owns everything under the shingles makes the rules- don't like them, don't visit.

 

[Anvil Head]

If they know that you know and disapprove (for any reason), but you continue to stay, you have already lost any real ground on which to stand.
(Having kids does not give one integrity or morals, not a sound argument.)

 

[skeeter24]

I told my wife that her sister can raise her children anyway they want too

If you really felt this way you would leave it alone. Are you really offended? That is a strong word....or do you just disagree with their position?

I would wait until the trip was over and let your wife casually mention it to her sister. This type of thing can cause major discord in a family. If they were doing it in your condo that you paid for then I would see why you might be upset.

 

[king killer delete]

It aint right. For you to keep peace stay out of it. Next time do not go. Sorry but this is a no win for you. Like I said it aint right.

 

[660griz]

I would let it go. They are not your kids to impose morality on.

 

[The Longhunter]

I would let it go. They are not your kids to impose morality on.

This. In spades.

How do you know that the situation is killing the parents in-laws? Are they mentally incompetent? Are they being held against their will? They are adults, and entitled to make the same choices you are.

I'm not sure why you are "offended" by something that's happening in another condo unit, which I'm guessing the children's parents paid for.

I sure wouldn't get all twisted about it and let my dudgeon ruin an expensive vacation.

And for what it's worth, me and the SO never spent the night together in my mother's house in 25 years or on a trip with her in 25 years, so I know where you are coming from.

 

[Backlasher82]

Now for the unbelievable. We are currently in Florida with her Sister and husband, their 7 children, and my wife's parents. Her family lives 12 hours from us, so we only see them about 4 to 6 times per year when we fly up.

My wife and I are in our own condo here, the others have their own condo 1 floor up. The nieces and nephews range from 18 to 12 years old. The two oldest boys brought their girlfriends, and the oldest girl brought her boyfriend.

Here we go. As we helped them get settled, we realized that the three kids with their dates are each sleeping in the same beds together. I could not believe my eyes. My wife is sick to her stomach.

To top it all off, this is happening right in front of my wife's parents, who by the way, are at the church every time the door is open.


My biggest problem is the fact that it is being done in front of the grandparents and we both know they are offended.

As I read it, you and your wife have a condo by yourselves and your in-laws have their own condo and wife's parents are staying in the condo where the activity they disapprove of is taking place.

The easiest solution would be to have your wife's parents move into your condo.

 

[Crakajak]

My wife handles her families issues, I handle my families issues.

 

[SarahFair]

Im confused.
Are yall paying for the condo/is it yours?
Your house your rules.

If not, I wouldnt stick my nose in it.
...but after the trip Id have your wife let her sister know that yall were not comfortable with it, though it may have negative effects

 

[HuntDawg]

No issues with my wife. She is in shock that this is happening in front of her parents. She is confident that this would not be happening in front of her brother in laws parents.

I understand that what happens under their roof is their business. The problem is my wife is not only shocked her sister is allowing this in front of her parents, but also hurt, and mad that it is happening in front of her parents.

Her parents are the most passive human beings I have ever met. You would not believe some of the stories I could tell.

What a hard situation this is for us. My wife also has a good bit of this passiveness that her parents have, but this situation is unacceptable to her. She just can not believe that her sister is encouraging this behavior in front of her parents.

I can tell you that when something is said, it will be from me with my wife's support. It will be once this is over I am sure.

Us not having children should have nothing to do with our morality. Thanks for pointing that out.

 

[HuntDawg]

This. In spades.

How do you know that the situation is killing the parents in-laws? Are they mentally incompetent? Are they being held against their will? They are adults, and entitled to make the same choices you are.

I'm not sure why you are "offended" by something that's happening in another condo unit, which I'm guessing the children's parents paid for.

I sure wouldn't get all twisted about it and let my dudgeon ruin an expensive vacation.

And for what it's worth, me and the SO never spent the night together in my mother's house in 25 years or on a trip with her in 25 years, so I know where you are coming from.

I am offended because I know that this is not behavior that my wife's parents approve of. It is so very hard to explain on a forum. Her parents are the most passive people I have ever met. They are in their 80's. They have gotten railroaded all their lives due to this passiveness.

As my wife and I do not approve of this situation, you guys are correct in that I am an outsider. With that said, my wife loves these children. Let me repeat that, my wife loves these children.

We just can not believe that her sister is first of all allowing this to occur, but we can not believe she is allowing it in front of her parents.

 

[660griz]

Us not having children should have nothing to do with our morality. Thanks for pointing that out.

You misunderstood...if this was directed at my post.

My point(s)

1) They are not your kids
2) They are not in your house
3) They are not your kids

You don't impose your morals on other folks children unless the parents ask you to.

 

[biggdogg]

You misunderstood...if this was directed at my post.

My point(s)

1) They are not your kids
2) They are not in your house
3) They are not your kids

You don't impose your morals on other folks children unless the parents ask you to.

^^^ This 100 times over.

You can be offended all you want. You can be right all you want. You go picking a fight or calling out the in-laws and you are putting your wife in a potentially explosive situation. And it will back fire on you. If it bothers your wife, let her handle it. But if she let's it be, you will be better served by following suit. That's a hornets nest that you certainly don't want to kick.

The only way you should even entertain stepping in is you are the one footing the bill for the condo. Even then, I would likely leave it to my wife.

 

[calibob1]

After you step into it with your family contact the families of the boyfriend and the 2 girlfriends.The way I count there's 14 people in that condo,their parents must know and approved,where do you stack 14 people.STAY OUT OF IT.

 

[SilveradoZ71]

Surely this is an Aprils Fools joke and the OP is just a day late?

MYOB is what I would do

 

[HuntDawg]

The four younger kids are staying with us due to there not being enough room in the other 4 bed room plus bunk room. So basically it is a 5 bed room condo.

I would only get involved if my wife asked me.

I would like to know if it is non of our business if her parents are upset about this situation and too scared to say anything.

Would I be wrong if my sister was allowing this to happen with her kids in front of my mother?

I would think it would be my duty to let my sister know that this is not how we were raised, and that she is being disrespectful to our parents by allowing this.

Is the issue that I am the husband, rather than blood?

If so, I completely respect that.

If not, I am at a loss how anyone could allow people in their 80's who raised them to be disrespected by a sibling.

 

[StriperrHunterr]

1) Talk about it with your wife.
2) Recognize that the sibling is old enough to make decisions that you, or even the parents disagree with.
3) Leave it to the blood to figure out. If they won't say anything to them, or it has no effect, let them lead their lives the way they wish.