Question for fathers

[CheapSeats]

My nine year old got in his first fight the other day and after getting all the details we talked about the whole thing of defending yourself Vs. learning to be a man and walk away. I was wondering how other dads have handled the situation? I definitely don't want my son to back down from anyone but I don't want him to think fighting will solve all his problems.

 

[No. GA. Mt. Man]

That's what I always told mine.

 

[Heathen]

I have felt the same wat you do Cheapseats, but now days the school systems tend to have a no tolerance for any violence whether it be just taking up for your self or not. I try to tell my son to just go and tell a teacher whats going on. With some of these kids mentality who's to say f your child does take up for themselves and beats the bully up the next time the bully may have some type weapon knife, gun, ect....In this day and time I'm just not sure it's worth it any more.

 

[Toliver]

It's a tough call these days. Used to, you fought, it was over. Now the loser wants revenge. And the schools have ZERO tolerance for fighting even if it's your kid defending himself against a pack of thugs. They just suspend everyone. Zero tolerance is just the public school's way of not having to think or make decisions. It's the easy out. So basically, if you want your kid to have a good school record, he has to grow up running and tattling at any sign of controversy instead of just learning to handle adversity. We're turning into a nation of sissies.

 

[fatboy84]

My dad always said..."Don't let me catch you starting a fight, but I better not catch you backing down. If you start a fight you better win cause your gonna get beat when I find out about it, so no need in getting your elmo beat twice."

Now with all that being said I agree with some of the others. Todays kids don't handle it like we used to. No more one on one fights and for that matter not as many fist fights as there are knives and guns involved.

Just let your son know you back him if he has to defend himself, but that he is in trouble if he starts it. Also, don't just take the word of someone else as to whether he started it. Sit and talk and listen to him to find out his side of the story.

Only threw the first punch once, and that was after a the guy had tried to start a fight with me too many times, but always wanting to wait until after school or do ti some other time than when I was mad. He made the mistake of starting it after school on day so I let him have it.

Funny thing about bullies, is if you beat their elmo they usually don't come back for more. The guy moved on after getting his handed to him.

 

[HuntinRebel3]

It's a tough call these days. Used to, you fought, it was over. Now the loser wants revenge. And the schools have ZERO tolerance for fighting even if it's your kid defending himself against a pack of thugs. They just suspend everyone. Zero tolerance is just the public school's way of not having to think or make decisions. It's the easy out. So basically, if you want your kid to have a good school record, he has to grow up running and tattling at any sign of controversy instead of just learning to handle adversity. We're turning into a nation of sissies.

Very true Toliver. I've had to find out this the hard way with my 13 year old. I won't go into details, but let's just say I'm tired of having to deal with the school.

 

[CheapSeats]

Thanks for all the replies and it looks like everyone is in agreement with the fact that they don't want their son to start fights but I think there is a difference between defending yourself and backing down from a fight. I've been in plenty of fights in my day and even started some that I shouldn't have but I've also walked away from just as many. Some people don't care about getting in trouble and they will try to antagonize you until you fall into their trap!

 

[labman]

Cheapseats I also have a nine yr old he got in a fight a couple of weeks ago. I also have a 20yr old who I have been through this with before. I told them if they start a fight when they get home they will get a whippin for starting the trouble but I also told them if someone else started it then to defend themselves. I have never had any trouble with them starting fights and only about 2 instances I can remember with them getting in any. teach them to stand up tall and handle themselves in a manner where no one wants to start trouble with them. Good luck.

 

[Branchminnow]

Cheapseats I also have a nine yr old he got in a fight a couple of weeks ago. I also have a 20yr old who I have been through this with before. I told them if they start a fight when they get home they will get a whippin for starting the trouble but I also told them if someone else started it then to defend themselves. I have never had any trouble with them starting fights and only about 2 instances I can remember with them getting in any. teach them to stand up tall and handle themselves in a manner where no one wants to start trouble with them. Good luck.

Sounds like good advice to me.

 

[Jeff Phillips]

Tater Tot (11 years old) has been taught to warn the bully that he takes Taekwondo (he has his Blue belt). If the bully does not heed the warning, he gets his nose busted!

 

[GeauxLSU]

I guess we had similar dads. Mine was...

Rule #1) NEVER start a fight AND try and stop those you can. (I did that untold times)
Rule #2) Always try and walk away
Rule #3) If you can't follow rule #2 after trying, punch him absolutely as hard as you can square in the nose.

I got suspended ONCE in high school (freshman) for fighting. It was honestly the only real fight I recall getting in (not counting playground scuffles in elementary school). The week before, they started a 'no tolerance' policy. The other kid started it. My dad was none too happy about having to come get me from school for a stay at home 3 day suspension. After he got the facts from school administration they confirmed to him that they didn't care about the fact I did not start it and was defending myself, I went home and had a three day vacation. Mom took me to the movies as a matter of fact. I did flunk a test since I missed a particular day and they wouldn't let me re-take it.
Anyway, there are more good reason not to fight (especially today) than to fight, but sometimes, you gotta' do, what you gotta' do cuz the other guy forces your hand.
I did note at my high school reunion that the guys that fought a LOT in high school, well, apparently still have some 'issues' today.

 

[raghorn]

It's a tough call these days. Used to, you fought, it was over. Now the loser wants revenge. And the schools have ZERO tolerance for fighting even if it's your kid defending himself against a pack of thugs. They just suspend everyone. Zero tolerance is just the public school's way of not having to think or make decisions. It's the easy out. So basically, if you want your kid to have a good school record, he has to grow up running and tattling at any sign of controversy instead of just learning to handle adversity. We're turning into a nation of sissies.

Tolivers right.The school always takes the easy road these days.

 

[deerhunter401]

this is just one of the many reason i started home schooling. by far was my son an angel but i never got a call saying that he had started a fight. but i have had a couple calls saying that he had ended them

 

[CAL]

I told my son that it was only a few things really worth fighting for as i saw it.If you have to fight ,fight to win with whatever!The other things just walk away!

 

[Swamprat]

Not only sons but daughters

I told my 10 year old daughter who was having problems with a boy bully to politely tell him to leave her alone.

If he continued then just walk away and ignore him.

If that did not work then to slug him as hard as you can in the face.

I told her that I would back her up if the school punished her for her actions as long as she did not start it. My wife did not like my response but I think girls need to stand up for themselves early in life because it can payoff later if they happen to find themselves in a difficult situation or an abusive relationship.

I have told my 17 year old son and my 5 year old daughter the same thing. Don't start it but do what you have to do to end it.

 

[Nicodemus]

Daddy told me if I ever started a fight, he`d deal with me the hard way, but if I ever walked away from a troublemaker, he`d also deal with me the hard way. I gave the same advice to my son and everything worked out.

 

[CheapSeats]

Lots of good advive. Everybody seems to be on the same page as to not starting the fights but ending them when they need to. I'll keep on doing what I've been doing. Thanks for the advice.