Divorce Question

[Mattval]

Hey guys. So I am going thru a divorce. Sad but it has to happen. So my soon to be ex has called off all arbitration. She wants to go before a judge. Has anyone been thru this? What can I expect? Do you have any advice?
I don't even own a suit.
My attorney said will be a lot more expensive.

Thanks y'all.

 

[HD28]

From experience...know this, her attorney, family and friends have gotten to her and convinced her to go for your throat! You need to prepare and begin to do the same! Trust me...you'll regret it later if you don't fight!!

 

[Milkman]

Remember you are entitled to the same percentage of marital assets as she is.

 

[JustUs4All]

And if she earns more you can get alimony now too. Times have changed. If she wants to take it to trial it is full on war with no quarter and anything agreed to previously is off the table.

 

[gobbleinwoods]

Bet her lawyer has hired a PI so don't do anything that might influence the judge.

 

[Milkman]

If she has a vested retirement fund acquired while you were together you’re entitled to part of that same as she is yours.

 

[Railroader]

Divorces suck, but you'll live thru it. Done it twice myself...

Don't try to be the nice guy anymore, go for her throat too.

The relationship is OVER, from here on it's a BUSINESS deal, to the letter...

 

[MudDucker]

Yea, she is being vindictive. Arbitration is usually way cheaper and just as effective. Some lawyers don't like it, because it cuts into their fees.

Just don't do anything stupid or make any threats!

 

[Ruger#3]

Good advice given already. The relationship is out of it now, it’s all about assets and who gets them. Get the best lawyer you can afford because your in a fight that can impact the rest of your life. Don’t do anything stupid that would move it from civil to criminal court. Everything you do can now be evidence in court. You never know when a PI is watching you, act accordingly.

 

[LTZ25]

Good luck . Don't say anything on here about your wife that could be used against you in court .

 

[kmckinnie]

Good luck . Don't say anything on here about your wife that could be used against you in court .

Or any social media. FB.

 

[mrs. hornet22]

Not only one social media, be careful on the phone too. /Never been divorced, but I've seen first hand phone calls being recorded. Happened to my brother.

 

[Toliver]

Your case is your case. It is unique to your situation. It will be similar to others' experiences in that the laws pertaining to property ownership, child custody/ visitation, alimony, child support will be the same for everyone. The difference will be in how good your attorney is and hard they fight for you.

No one here knows your relationship so therefore can't really speak to how things are going. You will get advice from people who experienced a bitter divorce and that's all they have to reference so they say go for the throat. You just need to do what's best for you and your kids in your situation.

I've been divorced twice. Simple cases of irreconcilable difference. 1 attorney handled everything for both of us for the first one. And after the judge finalized the "I don't" we walked out of the court room with arms around each other, back to being the friends we once were. The second divorce had no lawyer involved at all. We just went our separate ways with what we had brought into the marriage. Some self filed papers and notary stamps and it was done. Divorces can get real ugly but they don't all go that way. You can be civil and adult about it.

The P.I. possibility so act right was good advice if you think your estranged is like that. Remember, P.I.'s are not cheap and her lawyer won't likely do it for free just to win a case, she'll be paying for it. Can she afford that service?

And the advice about phone calls was sound. Only one person in a conversation has to know it's being recorded. She can record you without having to tell you she's doing it.

 

[Big7]

First thing I would do is hire a WOMAN Attorney.
Mine has retired or I'd shoot you the number.

Me and #1 were so young, we didn't really have anything to "split". She kept the Z- 28 and I kept the 1500.

#2 was a different story. We had plenty to split and I knew it was going to be a tough court fight.

Not sure what made me think outside the box far enough to hire a woman. They usually represent other women. I figure she would know how they were going to come at me. Well, she did and it worked.

Out of everything my wife wanted, she kep her stuff, I kept mine and we split everything else to the penny.

Good luck.

 

[Waddams]

I've been through a pretty nasty, contentious divorce where my now ex-wife fought about every little thing down to the linens. I don't mind providing some school of hard knocks type input / wisdom / pointers. It's hard without knowing particulars, but regarding skipping arbitration - the judge might very well just order to go to arbitration before coming back to him and asking him to render judgement. I think in my jurisdiction it's a superior court rule that you HAVE to try arbitration first unless there's some sort of emergency that justifies not doing it.

beyond that, i'd have nothing but questions for more information before being able to give more than some general guidelines:

-understand - the judges don't generally care much about the particulars of the case. they just want to move the case through and get it done. they'll rule on what they think is fair and equitable - influenced by their personal biases and values. if you're a high earner, she's a SAHM or something, they might think it's fair and equitable to give her alimony for some time frame so she's not living in a cardboard box.

-the judges generally won't care about conflict between you and her as long it doesn't rise to the level of abuse. they'll see non-abusive conflict as two idiots that couldn't get along and work their crap out like adults.

-given the above point - you need to look like the adult. don't rise to take the bait of any kind of escalation she dangles out there. whatever she does/says/instigates - it's important to document but not react as much as possible. be a "grey rock" towards her - in other words be as interesting and reactive to her actions as a grey rock.

-at this point - it's just business. take the emotion out of it. what's worth spending money and time fighting for? what's more easily (and cheaply) replaced instead of paying a lawyer to fight for it? don't be sentimental about material stuff. for the most part, you'll come out on top quicker and bounce back after the divorce quicker if you make business decisions, let material stuff go, spend less on lawyers and extended court action, and just buy new replacement things later.

-whatever the points of contention are - have a draft consent order that offers a fair and equitable solution to those points are in hand, show that you sent it to her, and she rejected it. show you offered to arbitrate to resolve and negotiate differing solutions and that was rejected. that will show the judge who is trying to be the adult and move on, and who is inflaming the conflict and making this harder than it needs to be.

-no matter what she says, who she says it to, what dirt she slings, DO NOT RESPOND to her or any 3rd parties. silence is your friend. it's possible to talk/text/email/message your way into looking worse than you are, so don't do it. if that kind of dirt throwing is happening and you've been responding, stop. even if it's your own family ("she said, or so and so said this - is that true??!!"), tell them no comment and you'd appreciate it if they simply stopped engaging with her or anyone else that was communicating to them about it. if they won't stop, then it's time to temporarily reduce contact with them ( i had to do this with my mother for a bit). overall summary of this point - DON'T FEED THE TROLLS.

in my case, my ex-wife did very well in the distribution (it was like 15 years ago). today, i have more to my name and have a better social life than i ever would have if we had not divorced, and she lives in a dump, hooptie car, and has no life at all.

i won 50/50 custody and until recently have generally kept up on her developments via shared parenting contact. she thought she came on top - she didn't. think about what best sets you up to launch into the next phase of life the soonest, not about winning a fight with her. letting her have a few things to let her think she won something that's actually fleeting can be a very good way to help speed things along and get to finished divorce orders and a final decree.

 

[dwhee87]

Bet her lawyer has hired a PI so don't do anything that might influence the judge.

Including creeping on your social media, so stay off of FB, etc.

 

[Hunter922]

Split the bills you have 50/50. No more you make this and I make that. The first thing I done was separate my check from our joint account.. It went over well .. Get paperwork from all savings accounts and checking accounts and monitor the activity. It's a fight from now to the end so treat it that way..

 

[Lindseys Grandpa]

Like has been said if kids involved try to keep it as nice as possible W/O getting run over . If you know anybody in the Court System from LEO to clerks in the courts try to find out which lawyers have the best relationship with the Judge . Try to hire the one who seems to have the best relationship with Judge it possible .

 

[gobbleinwoods]

Split the bills you have 50/50. No more you make this and I make that. The first thing I done was separate my check from our joint account.. It went over well .. Get paperwork from all savings accounts and checking accounts and monitor the activity. It's a fight from now to the end so treat it that way..

She can (and others have been known to) empty the Savings and other accounts post haste.

 

[NE GA Pappy]

I would cancel or freeze any credit cards yesterday. If she gets the house, don't quit claim a deed to her. Make her refinance and get your name off any loans. Auto loans or whatever, get off them