Thoughts on professional counseling for teens?

[4HAND]

I think abandonment is probably the toughest to work through.

 

[atlashunter]

Go for it. You can judge for yourself if the counselor is full of it or not. Other option would be a clergy.

I’m willing but I think he needs someone he can talk to solo. He’s not going to open up with me around. I’m the bad guy right now in his eyes. Hope I can find someone good but it ultimately will boil down to what direction the kid decides to take.

 

[Artfuldodger]

That’s my concern. Either that or they reinforce a victim mentality rather than focusing on personal responsibility and accountability.

That's my concern with counselors or psychiatrist. Seems like some of them are determined to blame it on someone else instead of the child or young adult.
I can see leading the questioning to see if the problem may be caused by someone else but not to lead the child in that direction. Maybe since they are the experts, they know how to do that correctly.

 

[atlashunter]

I think abandonment is probably the toughest to work through.

He doesn’t talk about it but I know the pain is there. Kids need dads in their lives.

 

[ryanh487]

I think everyone could benefit from a little counseling from time to time. Sometimes people just need a neutral sounding board to empty their thoughts and sort it out logically.

 

[4HAND]

He doesn’t talk about it but I know the pain is there. Kids need dads in their lives.

Yes sir they certainly do.

 

[NE GA Pappy]

He doesn’t talk about it but I know the pain is there. Kids need dads in their lives.

yep. Feeling like something is wrong with them or their parent would not have left. Feeling like they did something wrong. Feeling like they aren't good enough for their parent to love them....

All very real issues. Along with the feeling that nobody can love them because even their birth parent didn't love them. They don't realize the problem was with the parent, not them

 

[Semi-Pro]

Want to hear some thoughts and personal experiences good or bad in dealing with defiant teens and adding professional counselors to the mix. I came up with a father whose counseling method was a belt to the backside. It was called an attitude adjuster. That seemed to be the way it was for countless previous generations but not now. I’m doubtful about whether these mental health people do more harm than good. Anyone have good outcomes they can report? Things to look for in finding one?

Mentoring vs counseling

 

[mguthrie]

That would be me. His biological father abandoned him when he was a baby.

That would be what I'd recommend. A family counselor. Me and my oldest saw one for about a year. It helped our relationship. We are both hard headed and don't talk much about our feelings. Joint counseling got us talking

 

[mguthrie]

Just to add. We saw a psychologist. No drugs involved

 

[fireman32]

My mother tried to take me to a psychologist once when I was young, wanted to know why I wouldn’t talk to her. She was/is the problem. I’d soon have my eye lids cut off than go to one.

It took a pretty girl, with a big heart to get me to open up. I married her too.

 

[j_seph]

Not stirring a pot or nothing like that as I know you and you me but a good small church with a lot of prayer can do wonders. I have seen it with my own stepson, the one that for the most part could not stand his mom yet now lives with his sister behind us. That comes to us to seek advise or just to sit doan and talk. The one who had no desire to do anything but now works 2 jobs, pulls a double shift every now and then and is busting his butt to save for a car not the one he wanted but the one we suggested that cost more. Lots of Love and like Pappy said, not someone to tell them you are wrong and you need to do this or that. Someone to love them, not judge them, that gives advice but it is not the end of the world if they do not take said advice.

 

[j_seph]

The above did more than the counseling ever did

 

[BeerThirty]

Maybe not just a sole counselor but a full support group? I know you have a different belief system, but there are some really good youth groups out there at some churches. Sometimes surrounding yourself with good people can rub off on you...

 

[atlashunter]

He was in scouts and doing well but dropped out of it because of some teasing from the other boys. We've encouraged him to join another troop but he doesn't want to. I'm trying to keep an open mind and I realize we all have our unique perceptions but I think he got away with a lot when it was just his mother. Disrespect has been an issue from the beginning particularly toward his mother. I don't know that I agree with the advice to not judge in that situation. I'm taking a hard line on misbehavior and he's not taking it well. Sometimes love necessitates judgment. I could just back off and let him do whatever he wants and have whatever he wants. There would be less conflict that way and he will be out of the house in less than 2 years. I think that would be doing him a disservice.

 

[Core Lokt]

Saying a prayer for both of you now.

Lots of good advice already said. I also agree just letting him go would be a disservice to him. I don't know the answer but kids in his situation can be brought back around, some can't but if you know you gave 110% trying to help him that's all you can do.

 

[dwhee87]

I could just back off and let him do whatever he wants and have whatever he wants. There would be less conflict that way and he will be out of the house in less than 2 years. I think that would be doing him a disservice.

I agree. Respect is the foundation for positive relationships the rest of his life. You are right to want to help him get it right early. Otherwise, it'll be a life of challenges for the young man.

 

[jigman29]

My youngest was very defiant and after his cancer diagnosis he had a lot of issues. We had him visit a therapist over the course of a few months with no help. I finally stopped trying to force him into what I wanted and just focused on guiding him.
We made sure the basic rules at home were followed and such and now he is 19 and very well grounded. He works every day and invests his money.
One thing that really helped was making sure he had a friend around a lot, the peers in their life seems to have a greater impact than the parents once they reach a certain age. It was a hard pill to swallow but once we eased off and started picking our battles it helped a lot.

I even looked into boot camp for him and almost did it. But after speaking to and reading about several teens that were sent to them I think that is the worst thing you could do. It makes them think you are giving up on them and the ones I talked to ended up worse off for it.

 

[greg_n_clayton]

My youngest was very defiant and after his cancer diagnosis he had a lot of issues. We had him visit a therapist over the course of a few months with no help. I finally stopped trying to force him into what I wanted and just focused on guiding him.
We made sure the basic rules at home were followed and such and now he is 19 and very well grounded. He works every day and invests his money.
One thing that really helped was making sure he had a friend around a lot, the peers in their life seems to have a greater impact than the parents once they reach a certain age. It was a hard pill to swallow but once we eased off and started picking our battles it helped a lot.

I even looked into boot camp for him and almost did it. But after speaking to and reading about several teens that were sent to them I think that is the worst thing you could do. It makes them think you are giving up on them and the ones I talked to ended up worse off for it.

You are a dear friend to me Steven. I knew of this struggle but I never spoke of it ! It was/is a ....... family thing !! Conner is AOK....as is the rest of your off sprang !!

 

[sea trout]

He was in scouts and doing well but dropped out of it because of some teasing from the other boys. We've encouraged him to join another troop but he doesn't want to. I'm trying to keep an open mind and I realize we all have our unique perceptions but I think he got away with a lot when it was just his mother. Disrespect has been an issue from the beginning particularly toward his mother. I don't know that I agree with the advice to not judge in that situation. I'm taking a hard line on misbehavior and he's not taking it well. Sometimes love necessitates judgment. I could just back off and let him do whatever he wants and have whatever he wants. There would be less conflict that way and he will be out of the house in less than 2 years. I think that would be doing him a disservice.

You've tied your hikin boots up tight and have chose to walk a rough path!
Idk what to do but I pray it works out and this boy has an outstanding adult life because of you!!!