A bombshell was just dropped...

[BeerThirty]

After several years of speculation, found out this morning that my sister-in-law has officially announced she's batting for the other team.

I do need to preface that I am a Christian but that my intent of this thread is to not necessarily discuss beliefs. Instead, I'm looking for advice from others who may have experienced a similar scenario because all I know is that this is definitely going to shake the family, especially her parents. Furthermore, I need to be able to support my wife, family and ultimately navigate this with our four kids.

I really think it's going to be a ripple-effect with my mother and father-in-law. Both are extremely devout Christians, holding very traditional, conservative beliefs while also being very vocal and opinionated about them. For example, when people visit, if they are not married then they do not allow them to share the same room. Also, they have declined weddings of close family members that they did not view as legitimate. I could go on.. But the point is: the holidays are about to get very awkward and interesting, this I know for sure...

 

[NE GA Pappy]

sounds like it will be the cause of a family rift. You probably won't get your parents to change their beliefs, at least anytime soon, and the SIL isn't going to change either.

If you are meeting at the parents place, be prepared for a showdown. Looks to me like they have already drawn a line in the sand, and will probably enforce that too

 

[BeerThirty]

sounds like it will be the cause of a family rift. You probably won't get your parents to change their beliefs, at least anytime soon, and the SIL isn't going to change either.

If you are meeting at the parents place, be prepared for a showdown. Looks to me like they have already drawn a line in the sand, and will probably enforce that too

I believe so. But I'm hoping everyone can say their piece before the holidays when we all normally get together. My mother and father-in-law have a very large home and lodge all of us (4 families) under one roof for the holidays for an entire week, there is definitely some potential there...

 

[Waddams]

In my wife's family, there's a cousin that came out several years ago. Rest of the family is very blue collar, traditional, etc. This one guy was apparently always the type to have to dress snappy, have perfect hair, have some jewelry/bling, like whitney houston and what not. my wife has relayed she and her immediate family always figured he was gay, but it was a shock to the rest of them when he came out.

they seem to just ignore it these days. nobody disowned him. i think they settled on varying levels of accepting but not condoning. differing opinions of is he choosing it or was he just that way all along?

if i were in your shoes, i'd lean into the "judge not lest ye be judged yourself" scripture. there's a difference between accepting someone is living a way you wouldn't and condoning/supporting it. you can accept it, still love them as part of the family, without condoning/supporting all their decisions and choices. if asked, i'd simply say "she's family, i'm not gonna disown her, i'm not gonna hate her, or anything. it's not a lifestyle i'd do, my bible and belief says what it says about it, but that's God's job to enforce not mine - my command is to love others as i'd love myself, so what's i'm gonna do."

i would not tell anyone else how they should feel or react. in fact, i'd steer clear of all other discussions and if someone tried to encroach on me to be more militant towards her, i'd cut 'em off and tell them they have no right to tell me how to feel or respond to a dag'um thing, and they better stop or we're gonna have a bigger problem.

 

[Dean]

I see (anticipate) this tread going 'south' fairly quickly..... just my opinion, as her parents are 'devout Christians", perhaps they will seek Grace and Love for their daughter and help support her (not agree with her however) and eventually lead her to faith-based repentance of sin. We are all sinners, yet clearly understand todays more progressive theology when it comes to people coming out of the closet so to speak.....and while a devout traditional theologist is unaccepting of the behavior it doesn't necessarily demand a lack of Grace and Love, don't have to agree with, accept or condone the behavior - but maybe approach her with Love and pray for her repentance..... if the house/home is full of animosity, you are likely correct, not going to go well.

 

[BeerThirty]

In my wife's family, there's a cousin that came out several years ago. Rest of the family is very blue collar, traditional, etc. This one guy was apparently always the type to have to dress snappy, have perfect hair, have some jewelry/bling, like whitney houston and what not. my wife has relayed she and her immediate family always figured he was gay, but it was a shock to the rest of them when he came out.

they seem to just ignore it these days. nobody disowned him. i think they settled on varying levels of accepting but not condoning. differing opinions of is he choosing it or was he just that way all along?

if i were in your shoes, i'd lean into the "judge not lest ye be judged yourself" scripture. there's a difference between accepting someone is living a way you wouldn't and condoning/supporting it. you can accept it, still love them as part of the family, without condoning/supporting all their decisions and choices. if asked, i'd simply say "she's family, i'm not gonna disown her, i'm not gonna hate her, or anything. it's not a lifestyle i'd do, my bible and belief says what it says about it, but that's God's job to enforce not mine - my command is to love others as i'd love myself, so what's i'm gonna do."

i would not tell anyone else how they should feel or react. in fact, i'd steer clear of all other discussions and if someone tried to encroach on me to be more militant towards her, i'd cut 'em off and tell them they have no right to tell me how to feel or respond to a dag'um thing, and they better stop or we're gonna have a bigger problem.

Like your approach, that's kinda what I was thinking anyway. Where I typically draw the line is when people try to push their views onto others, and I'm really hoping that won't happen here, especially trying to navigate around kids. My wife seems to be in a state of shock, still processing the news about her sister, so she's my immediate concern for now.

 

[brutally honest]

Good article:

Responding in Love to an Adult Gay Child

You may feel hurt by your child's decision to "come out." But remember, this is not something they have done "to" you.

www.focusonthefamily.com

 

[trad bow]

I lost my oldest son in a drowning accident two years ago. I can assure y’all I wouldn’t care about his lifestyle choices if I could only have him back. I can assure you that I am very much a Christen and believe in the Word of God. I say love her and pray that she finds peace with the Lord.

 

[GeorgiaBob]

My only advice is twofold.

Love the sinner, even as you hate the sin. That may be difficult for some in your family. Pray with them. Be the calm presence in the room (that's often difficult). Be there to support those you love.

Seek peace. Even though this will be difficult for some in your family, your SIL is still an important part of the larger family. Try to find loving, civil, heartfelt reasons for all to remain in a family relationship. Pray with them, pray for every member of your family, and pray especially for yourself.

Know that people, like me, will be praying for you and your family (including your sister-in-law).

 

[Crakajak]

I lost my oldest son in a drowning accident two years ago. I can assure y’all I wouldn’t care about his lifestyle choices if I could only have him back. I can assure you that I am very much a Christen and believe in the Word of God. I say love her and pray that she finds peace with the Lord.

I agree with you.

 

[Gator89]

I don't have any children. But have a great-niece that is lesbian. I just love and respect her like all my nieces and nephews. I told my niece's "friend", that my niece drug her into the circus, she gets a hug and treated like all the rest.

 

[crackerdave]

I believe so. But I'm hoping everyone can say their piece before the holidays when we all normally get together. My mother and father-in-law have a very large home and lodge all of us (4 families) under one roof for the holidays for an entire week, there is definitely some potential there...

Pray,pray and pray some more!

 

[pjciii]

Her life is not for you or any other family member to rectify. None of you will have to stand before God and justify her lifestyle. Someone else said hate the sin but love the person. As long as she is not Making a statement or rubbing it in others faces.

 

[buckpasser]

It’s difficult to find a family without any examples of this these days. It’s true for mine (male first cousin) and my wife (two first cousins).

Ideally, you’d see them somehow reached out to and that might somehow cause repentance and a change. I don’t care who here doesn’t agree with me about being wrong, and in opposition to God. It still is.

All that said, we have shown love/still show love to all I mentioned and all I’ve seen them do is spiral from gay and ashamed, to accept me as I am, to if you won’t say that this is okay, then forget you! Good luck with it. Stay in prayer. God is just. People are stupid.

 

[Ruger#3]

I worked with a bright young man for about 15 years that was openly gay. One of the nicest people I ever worked with. He did me many favors over the years. Going to the office parties was tough in that situation. I can only imagine it being a family member. I prayed a lot for him. I can tell you the situation was awkward but I never felt dislike for the person.

 

[formula1]

Love but don’t affirm the lifestyle and don’t enable it either. Things I’ve learned!

 

[oochee hunter]

Yep, good advise here. My daughter's best friend came out after they finished college, we love her in spite of it, most would not know she is gay if they didn't already. It's on us to love one another, God will do the judging!

 

[j_seph]

As a Christian your job is to hate the sin love the sinner. In the end they are still a human being. If the mother and fatherinlaw cannot love them because of this then they need to check up. Is it appropriate to address the disapproval, yes if you have seeked council with the Lord and he gives you the liberty at the time and the words. If addressed through our own words and time it could do more damage than good. Either way in the end they are no different in Gods eyes than the drunkard that continues to drink, the druggie that continues to use. The liar that continues to Lie. If they are saved then they are saved till the day of redemption. They will pay for their sins if they continue to live in sin.