j_seph
Senior Member
@dslc6487 I read your post about faith and wanted to share what is going on in my life currently. On Nov 6th we had to send my 90yr old disabled dad to hospital. From the ER they took him to ICU where he stayed 2 nights, then regular floor until the Nov 12. They sent him home on Hospice. My mom is 79 years old with Dementia. Her decline with Dementia since Nov 6 has taken a drastic decline. I have been at their house everyday or night since Nov 6. In the beginning she was okay for me to go home to my wife for 3 or 4 hours and leave her alone with dad. I now have a caregiver that comes Mon-Thur from 8 p.m. to 8 a.m. so I can get a little rest as I am an only child. Like I said the Dementia did a rapid decrease. She was really rough the last week, and called ambulance Friday to come check her. Then it got so bad I had to call again on Sunday and had them take her to the hospital. She did have a UTI but this has been a steady decrease. She literally grabbed my bedridden dads catheter on Sunday and pulled it out of him completely. Yes it might have been to the UTI with the aggression but then it could be because of the dementia as well. So now I have my dad at home not knowing if today or next month will be his last day. I am having to place my mom into assisted living separating her and dad after 55 yr of marriage. Not because I want to but because I am scared for her to be in same house with daddy. The emotions are unreal, the what ifs are crazy. She has told the physical therapist that all I would give her was junk food, that I would not let her leave the house, that I had changed her and daddy's wills which none have ever happened. I have technically probably went above and beyond what most will do to keep them at home. I have had my mom tell me I was not her son, that she was not my mom anymore. I have been cussed by her and all sorts of other stuff said straight to my face. I have also been on my knees multiple times at my dads bedside praying Lord if today is the day let him go peacefully, have your will Lord and give me the strength and guidance to push forward. Have at one point on Sunday held my dads hand on my knee praying for to have his will. While my mom was in other room screaming for him to just go ahead and die and I hope you do. Have heard her accuse dad of running off on her with other women which I know better as he hasn't driven since 1991. She even stated he hadn't told her he loved her. Faith is the only thing that I have to hold onto. Has it been easy? No sir it hasn't, not everyday. I have had my moments of the flesh getting in the way and catch myself in an argument with my mom, knowing it was of no use because the reasoning in her is gone. I have seen her cry, scream, slam doors and throw things. Through it all God has been the only constant that I could go to. I still struggle with faith, I go back to sermons from our church. We can ask for everything we want or need. Many times the needs we think we need is of our flesh not of Gods greater plan. I have for the most part accepted the outcome of my daddy, knowing he has been saved helps with that. Seeing his struggles and knowing he has a lot better place to go makes it easier to accept and let go. We start asking for God to have his will then things start happening that seem like they rock our world that much more. I literally just seen this as I was typing, we ask for his will, things start going on a different path. That path gets a little tougher, a little harder. Well we asked for his will be done, just because it gets harder we have to have the faith that it is his plan and he has heard us. To get out of the valley you have to climb the mountain. Some mountains are small, some large but I have never seen a mountain that was the same grade from bottom to top. It may be steep at the beginning, it may be steep near the top but we have to keep climbing if we are ever going to reach the top. dslc6487, keep in the fight and keep the faith. Maybe through it all God will be able to use your trip up the mountain to help someone else who may be in a deeper, steeper valley than you and I.
Please pray for us as we try to get to top everyone. As a song says, the battles not mine said little David Lord its thine I'm in your favor,I'm givin' it all to you, I knew not what to do.
Please pray for us as we try to get to top everyone. As a song says, the battles not mine said little David Lord its thine I'm in your favor,I'm givin' it all to you, I knew not what to do.
