Cletus T.
Senior Member
There once was this shaggy haired boy named Cal and the boy was crazy about fishing. I mean he was bona-fide crazy about it. It was all he could ever think about. When other boys were coloring in their Batman and Spiderman color books, ole Cal was coloring in the bass fishing coloring books you can get at Bass Pro Shops. When other boys were playing with their Star Wars “Light Sabers” he was spooling 12 pound test on his ugly stick. When other boys were playing pee-wee baseball in the spring ole Cal was zooming across the lake with his crazy Uncle Al at about warp speed. That’s right……I said it…..Cal and Al…..they were a fearsome team. Well…..actually they weren’t a team at all but Uncle Al had lost his fishing partner due to a tractor accident. His partner wasn’t killed or anything but his leg did get caught under the front-loader and it got messed up pretty good, so rather than Al finding a new partner he just decided to fish as a one man team. Cal loved zipping across the lake in his Uncle’s boat and he loved having dried spit and snot pasted to his face. The boy loved bass fishing more than candy, pancakes, root beer and bubble gum all rolled into one! He fished year round and whenever it came to receiving gifts, whether it was a birthday or Christmas or whatever it might be, you knew to get the boy something fishing related. On one birthday he almost gave his grandmother a heart attack because he took the sweater that she had just given him and cut a face mask out of it to use on those cold mornings cutting across the chilly water. He didn’t see anything wrong with that. He later made it up to her with a sweet hug and a kiss on her wrinkly check. Now that you know about Cal the kid, here’s the story of The Christmas Crankbait.
It was early December and Cal was flipping through the Christmas catalog that old man Elmer put out every year. Elmer owned a hunting and fishing store in town and even though he didn’t carry all the fancy stuff that Bass Pro Shops carried he still carried enough to keep him in business. He had nothing against Bass Pro and he actually did a little bit of shopping at the Bass Pro from time to time. He liked those “really feel-good” shirts that Under Arms made. Under Arms is what he called “Under Armor” and even though he was 72 years old, he would still rock a tight fitting Under Arm shirt. The man was in pretty good shape too so he didn’t look half bad in an Under Armor shirt. The man did push ups every morning (5 sets of 20) and mixed in some dumbbell curls as well. So back to Cal and the catalog……he was flipping through the pages and he came across the fishing section. He scanned through the rod and reel section and then to the soft plastics and then he came to the plug section where his eyes became fixated on this one particular plug. It was a crankbait……a medium diver and the color was rather simple. It was mainly white with a little orange/red up around the gill area. It had these fire red sparkling eyes that seemed to pierce Cal’s soul. It was like the crank bait was looking right through Cal and he said to himself….. “self…..you got to get your hands on this crankbait” He just knew that the bass would knock the fire out of this plug and he would probably out fish his crazy Uncle Al with this bait and this was what he HAD to have for Christmas. He didn’t want anything else. This crankbait was called “The Conrad” and boy was it RAD!!!! So ole Cal didn’t waste any time…..he hoped on his little bitty bike and he rode down to old man Elmer’s store to see “The Conrad”. He parked his bike outside and ran as hard as he could through the double doors. He zipped pass the bow and arrow section…..right by the camping equipment and straight into the fishing department. His crazy eyes frantically scanned the wall where all the bass fishing plugs were hanging but he didn’t see the white crankbait with blazing red eyes. He slowly walked closer to the bait section and with every step his heart sank a little deeper and deeper until he was right up on the wall and there was no “Conrad” to be found. Cal slumped his shoulders and hung his head……………..and then he felt a hand on his shoulder.
Old man Elmer was standing there behind Cal in a tight fitting “Under Arm” shirt and he asked “Why you down in the dumps boy?” Cal lifted his head and told him that all he wanted for Christmas was a “Conrad” and that he was so sad to that he couldn’t at least get his hands on one to even look at it in the flesh. Old man Elmer looked a little confused himself because he knew that he had at least one maybe two of those baits left. He told Cal not to worry because he knew that there was another “Conrad” somewhere in his store. Old man dropped to his knees to look under the rack to see if somehow one had fallen down onto the floor and then got kicked under the display. Turned out old man Elmer’s hunch was right on the money. He located the last “Conrad” and before he could even get the words out of his mouth Cal’s little hands were deep underneath the rack and reaching for “The Conrad” He was is such a hurry to get a up and close view of “The Conrad” that he didn’t even notice old man Elmer down there on the dusty floor just repping out push-ups. Old man Elmer figured that since he was already down there he might as well get a mid day workout in. That’s why he looked so good in those “Under Arm” shirts. Cal was in sheer amazement of how good this crankbait looked while in his hands. The crankbait was made of a special kind of wood and they were hand crafted by an old mountain man that really made his money from craving hiking sticks, but he did a few of these fishing baits from time to time and I’m telling you all this to let you know that the crankbait was expensive. It cost $17 and that was a lot of money for Cal and his family and also a lot of money to spend on 1 fishing lure! He asked old man Elmer if he would put this bait behind the register and hold it for him until he convinced his Mommy or Daddy to come down and buy it for him. Old man Elmer said “Not a problem….young man”. So of course Cal bugged the snot out of his Mom and Dad for the next 3 weeks and when Christmas morning came there was one package under the tree for ole Cal. It was a pretty big box and that confused Cal but he had faith that his Mommy and Daddy got him “The Conrad”
So Cal went and hopped on his Daddy’s face to make him get out of bed and then he dropped the people’s elbow on his Mommy’s back to make sure she felt it too and he dragged them downstairs so he could open his present. Normally Daddy would form tackle Cal into the wall for being that physical with them but since it was Christmas morning and he knew how excited Cal was, he let this one slide. As Cal started ripping through the red and gold wrapping paper he could hardly contain himself and drool started dripping from the edge of his mouth. He got through one box only to find another box waiting for him. This went on and on until finally there was on small box left to open up. Cal had worked up a pretty sweat so far and his hands began to sweat too. He had made it this far and he wasn’t about to let sweaty palms get his way now. Cal peeled back the last bit of wrapping paper and the first thing he saw was that fiery red eye starring right back at him. All the slobber that had been dripping from his mouth started going everywhere because Cal was freaking out and I do mean freaking out. You would have thought that he was front row of an AC/DC concert his head was banging so hard! He had received “The Conrad” and he was so pumped and out of his mind that he kissed his Dad on the lips……yea…..smacked him right there on the lips. They both looked at each other with a little stun but then went back to hugging. Cal told both his Mom and Dad that this was the best Christmas ever. I told you…….the boy was crazy about bass fishing.
So it was Christmas afternoon and Cal had already tied his Christmas Crankbait on his fishing pole and he was heading down to the neighborhood pond. It wasn’t a bone chilling cold day but it was rather brisk. I mean Cal still needed to put on a toe-boggan but it could have been 20 below and Cal would have still gone fishing. He parked his bike up against an old oak tree and walked his way around the pond to the dam area because that’s where the deepest water was. He gazed over “The Conrad” one more time and stared into his mind numbing eyes before he slung it out there with all his might. For an 8-year old, the boy could sling it. The crankbait hit the water with a loud splash and Cal just let it sit there for a few seconds before he started cranking. He saw what looked like a fin coming up behind it but it must have been a wave because nothing loaded up on it. With each turn of the handle it could feel that crankbait dig deep into the water column and he just knew that if a bass made eye contact with those stunning red eyes it would be game on and the fish wouldn’t stand a chance. After 6 casts and no hit, Cal had lost just a wee bit of confidence…..but not too much…..this was a brand new lure and he knew that this Christmas Crankbait would produce at some point in the very near future! The 7th cast came and on the 4th turn of the reel “The Conrad” got slammed and I’m talking about a full body slam too. His line screamed across the water and this brute was taking Cal deep. His ugly stick held though and even though the rod was bent completely over Cal was holding his own with this monster bass. Cal was trying to reel this bad mama in but ever time he would gain some ground the bass would take off again and it was time to get serious about landing this fish. The toe-boggan came off folks……that’s how serious it got! Beads of sweat were forming on his forehead and when beads of sweat form in 34 degree weather you know something serious is happening. The bass was starting to tire and ole Cal began to wonder just how big this fish was and as the line came closer and closer in his heart raced like a Ford Mustang! He could tell that the fish was coming up and it looked like the fish might go air-borne and sure enough…….here it cam a flying! The largemouth bass exploded out of the water like a cannonball shot out of a pirate ship and when it did ole Cam finally got a good look at the beast and she was the biggest bass he had ever seen. I mean it was bigger than anything he had ever seen on T.V. or down at the fish tank at Bass Pro Shops or in any magazine. It was a GIANT and well into the double digits and Cal started shaking. The bass was in the air for what seemed like forever and it didn’t shake and thrash all around that much but when it reached it’s peak in the jump it flared it’s gills and turned it’s head right at Cal and by this time the monster bass was eye level with Cal, though it was 15 yards out into the water, the bass squinted its eyes and made a hard head jerk to the right and when it did that line went “POP”. The monster bass gave a half way grin with “The Conrad” still attached to it’s upper lip and as it hit the water ole Cal hit the ground and screamed to the top of his lungs “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”…..the fish had snapped his line and not only did he lose the fish of a lifetime but he lost his Christmas Crankbait that he had dreamed and hoped for, for so long. It was a devastating blow to the young boy. He was crushed and he just laid there on bank of the pond with big ole tears in his eyes. He went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows in a matter of minutes. The wind had started to pick up and as if losing this fish wasn’t bad enough, his toe-boggan had been picked up by the now hollowing wind and dropped in the pond! He looked up just in time to see it sinking down into the depths of the pond.
So there was Cal…..slumped over and defeated and now he had to ride his bike back home in the wind and the cold with no toe-boggan to cover his head. He slowly rode back home and he was so upset that he hardly felt the cold on top of his head and when he came down the driveway his Dad saw him through the window and he could tell that something was not right. He walked out on the front porch to meet Cal and the poor boy bust into tears. After about 30 minutes of sobbing he finally got the sad story out of Cal. Cal’s Dad told him not to worry about it, that he would drive him back down to old man Elmer’s store and they would buy another “Conrad” Christmas Crankbait but the part that was eating Cal up was he knew that old man Elmer didn’t have anymore. He had gotten the last one……..or so he thought. So the day after Christmas came and old man Elmer was always opened the day after Christmas because it always a good business day and loved seeing the kids come down and spend their gift cards and he really enjoyed helping them pick out a new bb gun or a fishing pole. So Cal came slowly walking in that next morning with his Dad and they were the first ones in the store. Old man Elmer could tell that something had Cal down. He tried to talk to him but ole Cal couldn’t muster the strength to even tell him what happened so Cal’s Dad filled Elmer in on what happened that Christmas afternoon. After hearing the story, old man Elmer went over to Cal and picked him up like a stack of firewood and carried him into his back office and sat him down in this old raggedy rocking chair. Cal had never been in old man Elmer’s office before. He scanned the walls and he had monster deer mount after monster deer mount along with big ole lunkers mounted too. There were 7 and 8-pounders and there was a mount that had two 10-pounders together chasing a pack of bluegills. There was a mule deer mount that had lost his nose. The mount looked very old and it was kind of dusty but it had character. There pictures of old man Elmer in his younger days during all his travels. It was truly unlike any office Cal had ever been in. Old man Elmer went over to the corner of his office and unlocked an old wooden box. He pulled something out of the box but from the angle that Cal was sitting at he couldn’t quite tell what it was. He came over to Cal and got down on one of his beat up knees. He explained to him that fishing wasn't always about landing the fish but rather the experience and the story of fishing. He went on to tell him how he had lost multiple monster bass over the years and that none of them kept him from fishing. After the pep talk he asked Cal to hold out his hand and so Cal extended his weak little arm and he opened his hand and old man Elmer dropped a “Conrad Christmas Crankbait” right into the palm of his hand. He had one last bait that the old mountain man had carved just for him. Not only was he giving him the last “Conrad” but he was also going to let him fish his own private pond that had plenty of mean nasty bass that would stretch his line all over the place. He also showed Cal how to tie the super duper unbreakable twist knot. No bass could ever break it! Cal was so excited that he gave old man Elmer the tightest bear hug an 8-year old little boy could give. He actually knocked Elmer over and they both feel to the ground. As they looked up they were looking at the belly of that double 10-pounder mount. Old man Elmer looked down at Cal and said “You see these two monsters up there?” Cal replied “Yes-Sir I sure do”……Then old man Elmer told him this “Those two bass were caught during the same day within 5 minutes of each other in my private pond….the same pond that you are going to fish tomorrow.” Cal looked up to the old man and said “I love you old man Elmer” and the weathered old man looked back down at him and said “I love you too Cal…..and your going to catch a 10-pounder tomorrow off of that Christmas Crankbait.”
And he did just that!
It was early December and Cal was flipping through the Christmas catalog that old man Elmer put out every year. Elmer owned a hunting and fishing store in town and even though he didn’t carry all the fancy stuff that Bass Pro Shops carried he still carried enough to keep him in business. He had nothing against Bass Pro and he actually did a little bit of shopping at the Bass Pro from time to time. He liked those “really feel-good” shirts that Under Arms made. Under Arms is what he called “Under Armor” and even though he was 72 years old, he would still rock a tight fitting Under Arm shirt. The man was in pretty good shape too so he didn’t look half bad in an Under Armor shirt. The man did push ups every morning (5 sets of 20) and mixed in some dumbbell curls as well. So back to Cal and the catalog……he was flipping through the pages and he came across the fishing section. He scanned through the rod and reel section and then to the soft plastics and then he came to the plug section where his eyes became fixated on this one particular plug. It was a crankbait……a medium diver and the color was rather simple. It was mainly white with a little orange/red up around the gill area. It had these fire red sparkling eyes that seemed to pierce Cal’s soul. It was like the crank bait was looking right through Cal and he said to himself….. “self…..you got to get your hands on this crankbait” He just knew that the bass would knock the fire out of this plug and he would probably out fish his crazy Uncle Al with this bait and this was what he HAD to have for Christmas. He didn’t want anything else. This crankbait was called “The Conrad” and boy was it RAD!!!! So ole Cal didn’t waste any time…..he hoped on his little bitty bike and he rode down to old man Elmer’s store to see “The Conrad”. He parked his bike outside and ran as hard as he could through the double doors. He zipped pass the bow and arrow section…..right by the camping equipment and straight into the fishing department. His crazy eyes frantically scanned the wall where all the bass fishing plugs were hanging but he didn’t see the white crankbait with blazing red eyes. He slowly walked closer to the bait section and with every step his heart sank a little deeper and deeper until he was right up on the wall and there was no “Conrad” to be found. Cal slumped his shoulders and hung his head……………..and then he felt a hand on his shoulder.
Old man Elmer was standing there behind Cal in a tight fitting “Under Arm” shirt and he asked “Why you down in the dumps boy?” Cal lifted his head and told him that all he wanted for Christmas was a “Conrad” and that he was so sad to that he couldn’t at least get his hands on one to even look at it in the flesh. Old man Elmer looked a little confused himself because he knew that he had at least one maybe two of those baits left. He told Cal not to worry because he knew that there was another “Conrad” somewhere in his store. Old man dropped to his knees to look under the rack to see if somehow one had fallen down onto the floor and then got kicked under the display. Turned out old man Elmer’s hunch was right on the money. He located the last “Conrad” and before he could even get the words out of his mouth Cal’s little hands were deep underneath the rack and reaching for “The Conrad” He was is such a hurry to get a up and close view of “The Conrad” that he didn’t even notice old man Elmer down there on the dusty floor just repping out push-ups. Old man Elmer figured that since he was already down there he might as well get a mid day workout in. That’s why he looked so good in those “Under Arm” shirts. Cal was in sheer amazement of how good this crankbait looked while in his hands. The crankbait was made of a special kind of wood and they were hand crafted by an old mountain man that really made his money from craving hiking sticks, but he did a few of these fishing baits from time to time and I’m telling you all this to let you know that the crankbait was expensive. It cost $17 and that was a lot of money for Cal and his family and also a lot of money to spend on 1 fishing lure! He asked old man Elmer if he would put this bait behind the register and hold it for him until he convinced his Mommy or Daddy to come down and buy it for him. Old man Elmer said “Not a problem….young man”. So of course Cal bugged the snot out of his Mom and Dad for the next 3 weeks and when Christmas morning came there was one package under the tree for ole Cal. It was a pretty big box and that confused Cal but he had faith that his Mommy and Daddy got him “The Conrad”
So Cal went and hopped on his Daddy’s face to make him get out of bed and then he dropped the people’s elbow on his Mommy’s back to make sure she felt it too and he dragged them downstairs so he could open his present. Normally Daddy would form tackle Cal into the wall for being that physical with them but since it was Christmas morning and he knew how excited Cal was, he let this one slide. As Cal started ripping through the red and gold wrapping paper he could hardly contain himself and drool started dripping from the edge of his mouth. He got through one box only to find another box waiting for him. This went on and on until finally there was on small box left to open up. Cal had worked up a pretty sweat so far and his hands began to sweat too. He had made it this far and he wasn’t about to let sweaty palms get his way now. Cal peeled back the last bit of wrapping paper and the first thing he saw was that fiery red eye starring right back at him. All the slobber that had been dripping from his mouth started going everywhere because Cal was freaking out and I do mean freaking out. You would have thought that he was front row of an AC/DC concert his head was banging so hard! He had received “The Conrad” and he was so pumped and out of his mind that he kissed his Dad on the lips……yea…..smacked him right there on the lips. They both looked at each other with a little stun but then went back to hugging. Cal told both his Mom and Dad that this was the best Christmas ever. I told you…….the boy was crazy about bass fishing.
So it was Christmas afternoon and Cal had already tied his Christmas Crankbait on his fishing pole and he was heading down to the neighborhood pond. It wasn’t a bone chilling cold day but it was rather brisk. I mean Cal still needed to put on a toe-boggan but it could have been 20 below and Cal would have still gone fishing. He parked his bike up against an old oak tree and walked his way around the pond to the dam area because that’s where the deepest water was. He gazed over “The Conrad” one more time and stared into his mind numbing eyes before he slung it out there with all his might. For an 8-year old, the boy could sling it. The crankbait hit the water with a loud splash and Cal just let it sit there for a few seconds before he started cranking. He saw what looked like a fin coming up behind it but it must have been a wave because nothing loaded up on it. With each turn of the handle it could feel that crankbait dig deep into the water column and he just knew that if a bass made eye contact with those stunning red eyes it would be game on and the fish wouldn’t stand a chance. After 6 casts and no hit, Cal had lost just a wee bit of confidence…..but not too much…..this was a brand new lure and he knew that this Christmas Crankbait would produce at some point in the very near future! The 7th cast came and on the 4th turn of the reel “The Conrad” got slammed and I’m talking about a full body slam too. His line screamed across the water and this brute was taking Cal deep. His ugly stick held though and even though the rod was bent completely over Cal was holding his own with this monster bass. Cal was trying to reel this bad mama in but ever time he would gain some ground the bass would take off again and it was time to get serious about landing this fish. The toe-boggan came off folks……that’s how serious it got! Beads of sweat were forming on his forehead and when beads of sweat form in 34 degree weather you know something serious is happening. The bass was starting to tire and ole Cal began to wonder just how big this fish was and as the line came closer and closer in his heart raced like a Ford Mustang! He could tell that the fish was coming up and it looked like the fish might go air-borne and sure enough…….here it cam a flying! The largemouth bass exploded out of the water like a cannonball shot out of a pirate ship and when it did ole Cam finally got a good look at the beast and she was the biggest bass he had ever seen. I mean it was bigger than anything he had ever seen on T.V. or down at the fish tank at Bass Pro Shops or in any magazine. It was a GIANT and well into the double digits and Cal started shaking. The bass was in the air for what seemed like forever and it didn’t shake and thrash all around that much but when it reached it’s peak in the jump it flared it’s gills and turned it’s head right at Cal and by this time the monster bass was eye level with Cal, though it was 15 yards out into the water, the bass squinted its eyes and made a hard head jerk to the right and when it did that line went “POP”. The monster bass gave a half way grin with “The Conrad” still attached to it’s upper lip and as it hit the water ole Cal hit the ground and screamed to the top of his lungs “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”…..the fish had snapped his line and not only did he lose the fish of a lifetime but he lost his Christmas Crankbait that he had dreamed and hoped for, for so long. It was a devastating blow to the young boy. He was crushed and he just laid there on bank of the pond with big ole tears in his eyes. He went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows in a matter of minutes. The wind had started to pick up and as if losing this fish wasn’t bad enough, his toe-boggan had been picked up by the now hollowing wind and dropped in the pond! He looked up just in time to see it sinking down into the depths of the pond.
So there was Cal…..slumped over and defeated and now he had to ride his bike back home in the wind and the cold with no toe-boggan to cover his head. He slowly rode back home and he was so upset that he hardly felt the cold on top of his head and when he came down the driveway his Dad saw him through the window and he could tell that something was not right. He walked out on the front porch to meet Cal and the poor boy bust into tears. After about 30 minutes of sobbing he finally got the sad story out of Cal. Cal’s Dad told him not to worry about it, that he would drive him back down to old man Elmer’s store and they would buy another “Conrad” Christmas Crankbait but the part that was eating Cal up was he knew that old man Elmer didn’t have anymore. He had gotten the last one……..or so he thought. So the day after Christmas came and old man Elmer was always opened the day after Christmas because it always a good business day and loved seeing the kids come down and spend their gift cards and he really enjoyed helping them pick out a new bb gun or a fishing pole. So Cal came slowly walking in that next morning with his Dad and they were the first ones in the store. Old man Elmer could tell that something had Cal down. He tried to talk to him but ole Cal couldn’t muster the strength to even tell him what happened so Cal’s Dad filled Elmer in on what happened that Christmas afternoon. After hearing the story, old man Elmer went over to Cal and picked him up like a stack of firewood and carried him into his back office and sat him down in this old raggedy rocking chair. Cal had never been in old man Elmer’s office before. He scanned the walls and he had monster deer mount after monster deer mount along with big ole lunkers mounted too. There were 7 and 8-pounders and there was a mount that had two 10-pounders together chasing a pack of bluegills. There was a mule deer mount that had lost his nose. The mount looked very old and it was kind of dusty but it had character. There pictures of old man Elmer in his younger days during all his travels. It was truly unlike any office Cal had ever been in. Old man Elmer went over to the corner of his office and unlocked an old wooden box. He pulled something out of the box but from the angle that Cal was sitting at he couldn’t quite tell what it was. He came over to Cal and got down on one of his beat up knees. He explained to him that fishing wasn't always about landing the fish but rather the experience and the story of fishing. He went on to tell him how he had lost multiple monster bass over the years and that none of them kept him from fishing. After the pep talk he asked Cal to hold out his hand and so Cal extended his weak little arm and he opened his hand and old man Elmer dropped a “Conrad Christmas Crankbait” right into the palm of his hand. He had one last bait that the old mountain man had carved just for him. Not only was he giving him the last “Conrad” but he was also going to let him fish his own private pond that had plenty of mean nasty bass that would stretch his line all over the place. He also showed Cal how to tie the super duper unbreakable twist knot. No bass could ever break it! Cal was so excited that he gave old man Elmer the tightest bear hug an 8-year old little boy could give. He actually knocked Elmer over and they both feel to the ground. As they looked up they were looking at the belly of that double 10-pounder mount. Old man Elmer looked down at Cal and said “You see these two monsters up there?” Cal replied “Yes-Sir I sure do”……Then old man Elmer told him this “Those two bass were caught during the same day within 5 minutes of each other in my private pond….the same pond that you are going to fish tomorrow.” Cal looked up to the old man and said “I love you old man Elmer” and the weathered old man looked back down at him and said “I love you too Cal…..and your going to catch a 10-pounder tomorrow off of that Christmas Crankbait.”
And he did just that!
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