Firewood

[No. GA. Mt. Man]

Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?" "Yes what can I do for you?"" I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith...
He's hidin marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite Know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there."
"Thank You very much for the call sir." The next day the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. ..... They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave shortly. the phone rings at Virgil's house. " Hey Virgil This here's Floyd..... Did the Sheriff come? "Yeah" Did they chop up your firewood for the winter? "Yep!" "Happy Birthday Buddy!" ( Rednecks know how to git-R-done

 

[Keebs]

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'

'Then, I'll have to charge you three dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.

'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.

'YES!!' stated the waitress.

'I'll take the special then,' my wife said..

'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.

'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.



DON'T MESS WITH REDNECK SENIORS!!!
WE'VE been around the block more than once!

 

[earl]

Senior calls the police to report someone breaking into his shop. Police say ''no one is available right now.Please standy by''. Senior hangs up. 30 seconds later he calls back and says ''Never mind,I shot them'' and hangs up. @ minutes later the police show up with ambulances and the fire department. They catch the theifs red handed. Cop says ''I thought you shot them''. Senior says '' I thought you said no one was available''.