Need some parenting/coaching/sports advice...

[treemanjohn]

I've coached professional baseball players and children for a little of years. Always remember that what your children think of you 10 or 20 years down the road us far mire important than what they think of you this ball season. I've seen a lot of ruined relationships over athletics. It's just not worth it and there's not really an upside. Just let them have fun. They'll move on when it's not fun any more. Even at that young of an age you can't make someone into something they're not.

Jujitsu is another great path.

 

[Danuwoa]

Guys,

I could use some Dad advice. In the grand scheme of things, this is really a non-issue and I'm 100% making it more than it is. I realize that, but a sounding board other than my wife is needed...

A little background: I have 3 kids. A son that's 9, a son that's 5, and a daughter that's 4. My oldest son is an awesome kid. Polite, humble, smart, loves the outdoors, and loves Jesus. He loves sports, especially baseball and football.

Here's my problem... as much as he likes sports, he's very timid and just isn't physical enough. As much as he loves the games, he's finding it very hard to be competitive in his age group and becomes frustrated. I can recognize it as a mental obstacle and a lack of confidence that's preventing the switch from flipping to physicality. We also live in an age of coaches wanting everyone to be a winner and tough coaching doesn't exist anymore. Unfortunately, that problem is worse where we live.

I'm walking a fine line of trying not to be "that parent" and also trying to introduce and coach some physicality into a young man. I didn't have this problem as a kid and am struggling with how to encourage it without going too far. At the end of the day, it may just not be for him, but he'll have to decide that.

Any advice?

Here’s one fool’s opinion.

Give it to him in small bites so he can digest it and doesn’t hack it up. You see what I mean? If he e joys it that’s awesome! Be glad. It’s something y’all can enjoy together. But you arent wrong to want to coach him a little tougher and toughen him up some.

You’ve got to be careful though. If he’s not naturally that way you can’t overdo it or you will ruin it for him. A little at a time. And explain to him why you’re doing it. That is important.

When I first started playing organized sports around age six I guess I was like your son. I enjoyed it but did t have that fire or agression. It was frustrating. Fast forward to age twelve. The switch came on. I went from being like that to being the guy my coaches had to settle down sometimes. It takes some kids a little longer. He very likely will surprise you if you don’t overdo it, let him come along a little at a time, and don’t act disappointed in him. We are all different. Help him but let him get there at his pace. It won’t do any good to do it any other way and all you’ll do is screw it up for both of you.

My daughter plays softball and early on she was like you describe. The switch came on for her two years ago and she is a little warrior. I overdid it with her a few times in working with her and saw what I was doing, apologized to her, and remembered I was the adult and helped her instead of just being a jerk. As soon as I did that the switch came on and she’s one of the best players in her league.

 

[Lonegle57]

I have one child, a son, who is now a wonderful young man that I am proud of. During my childhood I played baseball for exactly one year. The coach was focused on one thing, winning. I grew during the season to dislike playing baseball very much. You say your son is nine. My question to you is he having fun?
My son wanted to play baseball and I put him in a league where the focus was first,
learning the skills of playing, having fun and yes working as a team to win. I went to practices and helped where needed, even stood at first or third to help coach the runners. He played well and enjoyed the game until he fell in love with soccer.
My advice is help him with his skills. Be a supporting Dad and make sure he is having
fun. Cheer him on regardless of skill level, he is still young. I ended up swimming in highschool, my son played soccer. Be there for him, my Dad was never there but it stuck with me and I was at every game my son played.

 

[jdgator]

I have one child, a son, who is now a wonderful young man that I am proud of. During my childhood I played baseball for exactly one year. The coach was focused on one thing, winning. I grew during the season to dislike playing baseball very much. You say your son is nine. My question to you is he having fun?
My son wanted to play baseball and I put him in a league where the focus was first,
learning the skills of playing, having fun and yes working as a team to win. I went to practices and helped where needed, even stood at first or third to help coach the runners. He played well and enjoyed the game until he fell in love with soccer.
My advice is help him with his skills. Be a supporting Dad and make sure he is having
fun. Cheer him on regardless of skill level, he is still young. I ended up swimming in highschool, my son played soccer. Be there for him, my Dad was never there but it stuck with me and I was at every game my son played.

I think that’s really good advice.
I let my kids pick what sports they want to do. But my rule is once they pick a sport they have to commit to the season.

 

[bany]

He’s nine. He’s your son and always remember it’s His life. Do your best to be there and encourage him to have fun with everything he gets into and don’t make ANY sport out to be Gods gift to life or being a “man” someday.

Lots of great advice here. One of my sons didn’t care to be an animal on the football field but on the basketball court he was very proficient at not letting the other team have the ball if you follow the way I’m drifting. He didn’t stay in sports in high school but graduated college to be a health and physical education teacher. Now he is a middle school teacher, athletic director, coaches two sports, and just got his masters!
Ive always been super proud of him and he’s always known that and THAT may be the most important thing.

And back in the “old” days 40-60% of kids quit playing sports by age 12-13. Not sure if that still stands. From what I see and hear if you have a team worth of kids and parents with enough money there’s a place to go play any sport.

 

[MattLemmon]

You’ve gotten lots of good advise here.

I have 4 kids, 1 son that’s 10. I coach his tackle football team and help coach his wrestling team. My son several years ago sounds similar to yours. I have noticed most of the ‘timid’ kids on our tackle team (been coaching 4yrs) most of the time are over thinking and over processing things in their head, which leads to indecisive ‘timid’ actions. Repetition is key for those kids to build confidence. Also, I 100% agree with the others and recommend it to all the kids on my team, participate in a combat sport. Wrestling is my personal choice but other martial arts are probably just as good or better. Good luck. You’re a good dad for reaching out to get advise instead of reacting.

 

[basstrkr]

PATIENCE!

 

[1john4:4]

Get him into a wrestling program, it will teach him, worked for my sons and a lot of other kids.
More focus on yourself to win but you still have a team

Best sport there is in my opinion.

 

[alphachief]

Lots of lessons from sports for kids…and parents. I have a son who was an outstanding baseball player and a competitive black belt in karate. I coached him in travel ball and toured the country with him for karate. The line between support and coercion can be pretty thin. If you really use the child’s “fun meter” to guide you, it’s pretty hard to go wrong.
I’d add that as a parent, be honest with yourself from the start. The odds are almost 100% that your child won’t play college sports, that alone pro sports.

 

[Ugahunter2013]

I would not worry about it too much at his age. I was extremely timid at that age too. Only took 1 season of tackle football and realized that was enough for me. When I got to high school baseball the tenacity started to come out. I was much more confident as well. By the time I was in college and the minors playing, I was a completely different player. You learn to harness your emotions the correct way as you get older. I do think that how soon it does or does not come out, has a lot to do with your coaches and parents. I had very laid back coaches and my parents did not force anything on me. I was able to develop as a player at my rate and not the rate of somebody else, if that makes sense.

 

[DAVE]

Let him be a 9 year old, let him be himself and don't try to make him what you want him to be. Most times a kid will take on an activity like football not because he likes it but because he wants to please the parent. Some kids may really like sports and have fun in them even without being any good at them, and a good athlete may be born with talent but without desire talent is worthless.

 

[mrs. hornet22]

H22 and I are huge sports fans. We both played sports in school. My son played soccer, T-ball and took karate. He didn't like any of it after a while. We still supported him. I was also in the band in school, so I introduced my son to music and it was a huge hit. He was in the band and also had his own band. Worked out perfect. Now he is grown and married and mentors autistic young men. And still plays the guitar