The Never to be Completed Compilation of Dad Jokes

[jdgator]

Hey gang, keep these jokes going. I text them to my aunts on the reg. They love hearing them.

 

[one_shot]

A drunk was walking side the road, one foot on the curb & one foot on the pavement. A state trooper pulled over said you drunk? Man ( Thank God I thought I was crippled!)

 

[TJay]

How can you tell the difference between a Carpenter ant and a regular ant?

Rainy days and Mondays always get them down.

 

[4HAND]

Don't be worried about your smart TV & phone spying on you.
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years..............

 

[fireman32]

If you’re cold, just go stand in a corner. It’s 90 degrees.

 

[4HAND]

I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.

 

[4HAND]

I have been promoted to Director of Old McDonald's Farm.
I am now the CIEIO.

 

[Buck70]

Congratulations

 

[TJay]

Ran out of toilet paper and now using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg.

 

[Doug B.]

Q: What do you get from a forgetful cow?
A: Milk of amnesia.

 

[fireman32]

You know sign language is the least spoken language.

 

[doenightmare]

My prayer wasn't answered - this thread is still going.

 

[Mars]

What sound does a witch’s car make? Broom broom!

 

[Mars]

A friend of mine didn't pay his exorcist. He got repossessed

 

[1eyefishing]

Where does my dad get all his lousy jokes?
From his dadda-base.

 

[Mars]

Did you know that a stadium gets hotter after the game when all the fans leave?

 

[4HAND]

What did Beethoven become after he died?

A Decomposer.

 

[4HAND]

When I was little my mom would feed me alphabet soup. She claimed I loved it.
I didn't. She was just putting words in my mouth.........

 

[4HAND]

Recently took a pole:
99% of the people were annoyed when their tent fell down...........

 

[specialk]