Weddings for non-members?

[FishFanatic]

You are probably right. Christ would take care of the temporal, material things first, like getting a place for the reception so everyone can eat, drink and dance, before finding a place to perform the sacred act of marriage. Christ would nail down the guest list before finding a place to conduct the sacrament of marriage. Christ would really be concerned about the discomfort to the out of town in laws before settling on the place to join together in Holy Matrimony.

He probably would for all of the above. He was about the people. The marriage itself is defined by what huntdawg and his wife to be make it....not where it happened. So absolutely, I think Christ would want to make sure there was a place for the reception, and make sure the poeple from out of town are comfortable.

 

[HuntDawg]

Just go to Vegas and get married!!

Sometimes I wish we could do something that easy, but I have made a commitment to this person, her parents, and mine. We both come from very traditional conservative Christian families and it would disrespect both our families. I would never want to disrespect her father. He has put his trust in me to love and respect his "little girl". When I get frustrated and feel like we should just go to the court house, I try to think about how I would feel if my daughter (still a twinke in my eye) ran off with some dude and did the same. It would hurt.

I in no way am putting down your suggestion. I am sure it was off the cuff. We are praying that this will come together in the next week or two.

 

[jbi1104]

I know of many churches that have gone to this policy of no non-member weddings. Their reasoning are usually one of the following:
1) Some of them are 'Norman Rockwell' settings and have been overrun in the past with requests. Some were accepted while others were turned away due to logistics etc. This caused a bad scene where some felt they were discriminated etc.
2) Members would get discouraged because weddings are usually planned well in advance and some members had baptisms, children weddings etc that conflicted with the prior arranged non-member reserving the chapel. Churches do not like discouraged members.
3) Insurance reasons. The responsibility would fall on the church in the event something happened to an attendee.

A no 'non-member' policy means just that. Why would or should a pastor and the session sit and listen to reasoning from another pastor when their policy is concisely stated. If they deviated from this policy they would open themselves up to litigation if they bent the rules by allowing one, but then turned down another. (ex - bridesmaid from wedding party allowed to bend the rule gets engaged and gets turned down from the same church.)
Personally with as many churches out there today I would be surprised if you did not find one for your wedding. It may not be the picturesque one your soon to be better half had in mind, but a satisfactory one to meet the needs of the wedding party and their guests. Good luck in finding a venue and good luck in your marriage.

 

[MudDucker]

I agree with the first statement. You use a broad brush, but true. However, what we must remember and it applies to your second statement, is that the Church must use discernment in that situation. How is marrying two homosexuals anything to do with the service of Christ's work? That's not what we are talking about here, but it is a point. The Church is to seek to do God's work, but the Church should use discernment/judgement/qualifications all of which are based on God's Word when doing those services. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a Church having a talk with the individuals wanting to be married to get an idea of the couple's ideas for that service before that Church opens its sanctuary for the event.

I have no problem with any Church using discernment and only opening its doors to appropriate marriages using appropriate ceremonies. I do have a problem where they have a policy to close their doors to other Christians without any investigation.

 

[MudDucker]

I agree with the first statement. You use a broad brush, but true. However, what we must remember and it applies to your second statement, is that the Church must use discernment in that situation. How is marrying two homosexuals anything to do with the service of Christ's work? That's not what we are talking about here, but it is a point. The Church is to seek to do God's work, but the Church should use discernment/judgement/qualifications all of which are based on God's Word when doing those services. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a Church having a talk with the individuals wanting to be married to get an idea of the couple's ideas for that service before that Church opens its sanctuary for the event.

So you would recommend that someone lie to be able to use a church...the key word being use.

No it ain't unbelievable..actually it is exactly as scripture predicted.

Who said anything about a lie? You sir are way overboard. Temporarily joining a congregation is not a lie. Who knows, during their intended short membership, the Lord may move them to stay. Besides, I've never seen a Church membership questionnaire ask how long you plan to be a member. I've also never seen a prohibition of multiple Church memberships. You wish to be legalistic about a spirtual matter. Do you know what the legalistic approach lead Church leaders to do some 2000 years ago?

 

[SBG]

And I see your conscience finally kicked in and your spine stiffened...

Nah...the shoe did not fit as I was not tearing down anything...I was making observations based on personal experience...there ain't nothing "cut and paste" about me that shows...I calls 'em likes I sees 'em...



Keep it coming man...it keeps the ole thought process flowing strong and occasionally we have someone actually hit on a very good point that makes the rest think...that is what it is all about IMHO...I enjoy the different perspectives...

Nah, the shoe fit...you can't bring yourself to admit it. When and if you do, your eyes will be opened.

 

[SBG]

Who said anything about a lie? You sir are way overboard. Temporarily joining a congregation is not a lie. Who knows, during their intended short membership, the Lord may move them to stay. Besides, I've never seen a Church membership questionnaire ask how long you plan to be a member. I've also never seen a prohibition of multiple Church memberships. You wish to be legalistic about a spirtual matter. Do you know what the legalistic approach lead Church leaders to do some 2000 years ago?

It is a lie to join on false precepts...and that is exactly what you advocated.


A church should, and has every right, to deny the use of its facilities to anyone if that is what they decide to do as a congregation.

 

[pfharris1965]

...

Do you know what the legalistic approach lead Church leaders to do some 2000 years ago?

Probably the same thing the supposed spiritualistic approach is causing our so-called leaders today to do......or at least they veil it under the guise of being spiritual...

 

[60Grit]

Probably the same thing the supposed spiritualistic approach is causing our so-called leaders today to do......or at least the veil it under the guise of being spiritual...

Careful now, your confusing your peanut butter brands.

Better go out and taste a few before you go offerin expertise on them..

 

[FishFanatic]

A church should, and has every right, to deny the use of its facilities to anyone if that is what they decide to do as a congregation.

Currently a woman has a legal right to have an abortion. Does the fact she has a right, make it the correct thing to do? Just because the church has a right, or someone stated earlier created a members only rule, doesn't mean they should.

 

[PWalls]

I have no problem with any Church using discernment and only opening its doors to appropriate marriages using appropriate ceremonies. I do have a problem where they have a policy to close their doors to other Christians without any investigation.

I also would not agree with a refusal without some sort of investigation. Christian churches/congregations should try and accomodate each other within their denomination/doctrine at least. A refusal for one Baptist church to not allow another Baptist church member to have a wedding should be documented as to a "why" in my opinion. But, once that decision is made, then the party should just move on and find another church.

 

[Twenty five ought six]

I also would not agree with a refusal without some sort of investigation.

And that's why I'm believing that we are not getting the "rest of the story".

Saying a church will not allow "non-members" is a pretty broad brush. I'm not sure but I'm reasonably certain that most Catholic churches would not allow a non-Catholic to have a church wedding, and even Catholics would have to be in position to be married in the church. Technically the non-Catholics are not members of the The Holy Catholic Church anywhere in the world. Likewise, there a are Baptist Churches (and some other denominations) that believe that only one who has been immersed as an adult can be a member of "The Church", and would not let anyone who has not been so baptised use the church because they are not members of "The Church".

I also know many churches that will not allow anyone to get married in their facility unless the couple goes through a multi-week pre-marital counseling program. You may think that's a little pushy but it's their prerogative to make those policies.

I'm thinking OP has been a little sketchy with the details, especially about his storefront church, and it's beliefs and practices.

 

[SBG]

Currently a woman has a legal right to have an abortion. Does the fact she has a right, make it the correct thing to do? Just because the church has a right, or someone stated earlier created a members only rule, doesn't mean they should.

Apples and oranges.

For the life of me, I can't comprehend how anyone can see a problem with a congregation choosing not to open up their church to non-members.

Suppose there is a church that at one time did allow non-members to use the church facility, and have been burned numerous times one way or the other-Why can't they nip the problem in the bud and just make the decision to only allow members to use the facility.

 

[HuntDawg]

And that's why I'm believing that we are not getting the "rest of the story".

Saying a church will not allow "non-members" is a pretty broad brush. I'm not sure but I'm reasonably certain that most Catholic churches would not allow a non-Catholic to have a church wedding, and even Catholics would have to be in position to be married in the church. Technically the non-Catholics are not members of the The Holy Catholic Church anywhere in the world. Likewise, there a are Baptist Churches (and some other denominations) that believe that only one who has been immersed as an adult can be a member of "The Church", and would not let anyone who has not been so baptised use the church because they are not members of "The Church".

I also know many churches that will not allow anyone to get married in their facility unless the couple goes through a multi-week pre-marital counseling program. You may think that's a little pushy but it's their prerogative to make those policies.

I'm thinking OP has been a little sketchy with the details, especially about his storefront church, and it's beliefs and practices.

Twenty five ought six, I do not understand why you continuosly accuse me of not telling the entire story. You have twisted this thread like no other person I have ever seen. I am a Christian man.

I will say it again. We have only been turned away from Church's because we are not active members!!!!!!!

I am a Baptised Christian as well as my fiancee. She is a graduate of a Christian college as well. I do indeed attend a church that holds it's services in an office complex that is located 1.5 hours from my home. We are a young church and have a building fund started. As far as our church beliefs. Sir, our Christian church is just that. We believe that Jesus is the Christ, the son of the Living God. We do not handle rattle snakes and we do not claim to heal people. Our preacher is a God loving, retired professor from the same Christian college, I repeat, Christain college, that my fiancee graduated from. He also taught many years at a very well respected seminary.

You keep bringing up Church rules. Can you not read? No church has turned us away because of our doctrine or for any other reason other than they do not allow non members to have wedding cerimonies. Can I not be any more clear?

As for all of you other posters, I appoligize for showing anger. Twenty five ought six does not want to hear the truth. Yes sir, I am defending myself. You have attacked my integrity on this board. I have had many PM's from other Christian men asking if they can help. This is part of being a mature Christian man.

Sir, did you read my reply to the gentleman who suggested we go to Vegas? I did not attack him. I replied that I was sure it was off the cuff. Did you not read about the respect that I have for my fiancee's parents? Did you not read about the respect for my parents?

Again, we are willing to offer the whole nine yards. We would follow any Church rules that follow our beliefs. Again, we will meet with anyone, our preacher will meet with anyone. We will give them our church address, for people like you who believe we are not truthful about our church building. We will follow counseling guidelines.

Sir, we have not had a chance to offer any of these scenerios to some churches, because they do not allow non members to have a wedding in their building. This is about the 10th time I have stated this in this thread, and you still question my integrity.

You said yourself in a previous response that churches have the right to not allow non members to have a wedding in their building. You then accuse me of not telling the whole story. Which is it Twenty five ought six?

According to your statements, I guess we have not contacted these church's that do not allow non-members to have a wedding in their building. We have only contacted church's that have turned us down because of our beliefs. Sir, I challenge you to find any hint of the second scenerio in any of my responses. You are wrong for accusing me of being untruthful in any way.

Now, back to the people who care to hear our story. We have found a couple of church's that will offer their building. Most have guidelines that we will follow if we have our services there. Again, no problem.

These Church's did not turn us away. We have not been turned down by any church. The difference being that being turned away, no one cares to hear about our story, they do not allow non-members to have weddings. To be turned down is for a church to listen to your story and make a decision based on their doctrine. This has not happened yet, and I do not believe that it will happen, because we are a Christian couple.

 

[pfharris1965]

...

Careful now, your confusing your peanut butter brands.

Better go out and taste a few before you go offerin expertise on them..

Nah...all the brands available today seem to be rotten...

 

[Festus]

I'm thinking OP has been a little sketchy with the details, especially about his storefront church, and it's beliefs and practices.

Just wow!! Come on 2506...accusing the man of lying is pretty low. You should apologize to Huntdawg.

Huntdawg hang in there! Things will work out for you and your future bride.

 

[MudDucker]

Unbelievable.

It is a lie to join on false precepts...and that is exactly what you advocated.


A church should, and has every right, to deny the use of its facilities to anyone if that is what they decide to do as a congregation.

What false precept? Do you have any clue how many people join a Church just because they think the sanctuary is beautiful...you gonna call them liars????? Do you have any clue how many people join a Church one Sunday and then leave before ever attending again????? Are you omnipotent and know the ways of God to bring someone into fellowship with a given congregation????

You sure are setting yourself up to be the high and mighty judge....let me let you in on a little secret...its not your job and if it is, you aren't very good at it.

Who said they didn't have the right...but is this right used in this manner right...that is the question.

 

[SBG]

What false precept? Do you have any clue how many people join a Church just because they think the sanctuary is beautiful...you gonna call them liars????? Do you have any clue how many people join a Church one Sunday and then leave before ever attending again????? Are you omnipotent and know the ways of God to bring someone into fellowship with a given congregation????

You sure are setting yourself up to be the high and mighty judge....let me let you in on a little secret...its not your job and if it is, you aren't very good at it.

Who said they didn't have the right...but is this right used in this manner right...that is the question.

Rationalize it all you want. The fact is you said this is how you get around what you think is a silly rule. You said to go become a member, have a wedding, then pull your letter.

That is a false precept(lie) and you should be ashamed for even advising someone to do it. Church membership should be taken a lot more serious than that.

But in the end, do what makes you feel good.

 

[Spotlite]

Apples and oranges.

For the life of me, I can't comprehend how anyone can see a problem with a congregation choosing not to open up their church to non-members.

Suppose there is a church that at one time did allow non-members to use the church facility, and have been burned numerous times one way or the other-Why can't they nip the problem in the bud and just make the decision to only allow members to use the facility.

OK, I`ll bite this one. We did get burned on more than one occasion. It happens. It will happen again. Part of life. People lie and people use. We still allow "proper" use of our facilities. (Along with that is all the meeting the pastor and setting guide lines stuff) Our job here is to reach out and help others in need. Are we going to use what God gave us or go hide it the talent? Again, we talking about a wedding that the Pastor has overlooked the arrangements for, not hot wings and a poker game in the sanctuary.

Using your apples and oranges analogy, are you gonna drive up a long muddy drive way to pick up someone for Church in your Lincoln Town car knowing they are gonna walk through mud to get to it?

Sure we have been looked down on cause we dont have a multi million dollar facility with thousands of dollars in a savings account, and the main reason some accusers "speculate" is because we are "to open the needy and getting used"

My question to them was "how are you going to explain to God the reason for having thousands of dollars in a savings account and hungry family in the neighbor hood?"

 

[Twenty five ought six]

We would follow any Church rules that follow our beliefs.

Except the Church rule that only members can use the physical plant.

And what about Church rules that don't follow your beliefs?

Either you follow the rules or you don't.

Come on 2506...accusing the man of lying is pretty low.

I haven't accused anybody of lying. On the other hand there are several others here that can't say that, but apparently they are above reproach.